no.31 130531 Thank you for my high school friends

Dig in! We ordered so much food for the four of us!

We are reunited!

Well, only about a half of us are. I have another group of close friends from high school (my girls!) and we recently met up as well, but I'll leave that story for another day. Anyways, there are about 10 of us who graduated together, and we all went to prom together except for one friend. I wasn't close to all of them when we were still in school. That's probably true for most of us. We definitely got closer after we graduated and when we began university. Since high school graduation, we've been meeting and catching up once in a while. The majority went to university in Toronto, so we usually met up once in summer and once in winter after our exams.

Our group began to fall apart after university, as each of us went to pursue our own goals in life. Some stayed here, some went to the States to do their maters, and some went back to Korea. It certainly has gotten harder to see everyone at the same time. The last time we met up was last Christmas. I went to two separate reunions - the first one being at the airport, and the second one at a local coffee shop. Why at the airport? One friend from Boston was stopping-over at Pearson, so me and one friend went to see him there for a couple of hours. Another friend from New York came to visit her relatives, so two friends from Toronto and I met up with her for a coffee. She stayed here for a bit at the time, and she slept over at my place. We had a fun time of long night talks. 

Although I barely get to see some of them - maybe once a year, it still feels like it was just yesterday that I saw them. I guess that's what I like about us. I really wonder what it will be like when we start to bring kids to our reunions. Well, no one is married yet, so we'll probably have to wait another few years for that to happen. Hopefully by then we will have a loving husband or a loving wife by our side when we have our get-togethers!

 

I'm thankful for my high school friends. I'm blessed with these wonderful people in my life. I'm thankful that everyone is doing well at their own place - whether they are working or in school. I'm proud of all of you! I'm looking forward to the next year, the next five years and the next ten years with all of you!

no.30 130530 Thank you for the family exercise time

Bike trail and the beautiful sunset

 

First of all, I want to apologize that today's entry is not about today. It's something that happened yesterday but because I had another story which had to be written yesterday, I had to rain check it for today. Actually, there is one more story that I wanted to write about, but I'm gonna have to rain check that for another day as well.

 

Yesterday, my dad, my sister and I went out for dinner. We went for jja-jang-myun (Korean Chinese noodle dish) because my sister was craving it for a long time. I was hanging out with my friends, so I met my dad and my sister at the restaurant. It felt strange meeting my family outside because we would normally go out together. I wasn't the only one who felt this way - both my dad and Sunny felt the same.

 

It was still bright after dinner, so we decided to go for a walk at the park in the neighbourhood (it's the same park that I mentioned before). The park/trail was more crowded than the first time I went. I'm not sure if I've already mentioned this before, but when I went to check out the bike trail for the first time with Sunny, there was pretty much no one on the trail. Maybe more people came out to exercise because the weather was getting nicer. But it definitely had more than enough room for the three of us to enjoy our time together. We took my bike to the trail as well and we took turns riding it. I was slightly afraid of riding because the seat was too high for me. I couldn't lower it because the seat was lowered to the max. My legs have gotten shorter or something, because I bought my bike more than 5 years ago and I've been riding it no problem. Yeah.. so if I stand on my tiptoes, I can barely touch the ground which is a little dangerous. Thankfully, there was no emergency situation where I had to break abruptly. I loved the breeze when you ride the bike. I enjoyed it very much yesterday.

 

I realized we haven't had a family outing in a while. My dad loves outdoors. As children, we spent a fair amount of time outdoors - camping, hiking, going to the beach, and lots and lots of traveling. He also loves taking photos and he would carry around his camera everywhere. Therefore, although I was too young to remember the things I did with my family, I have old photos to help remind myself about all the wonderful things my parents did for me. Now that Sunny and I are both in our twenties, we're always so busy with our own lives, it's gotten much harder to do any 'family stuff.' The last time we went camping as a family was probably about six to seven years ago. The last time we went hiking was two years ago. It's a sad reality.

 

I'm thankful for the family exercise time. It wasn't just about the exercise that we needed to burn off the fat from the jja-jang-myung we ate - it certainly was a fun quality time that we all missed.

 

no.29 130529 Thank you for giving me the heart to forgive

"The Compassion of God" by Tim Keller

Two years ago at the Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City. It was one of the most memorable sermons I've ever heard in my life yet.

 

Before heading to the Big Apple, I asked a friend of mine to recommend a church for me to go during my stay in NYC. He told me to check out the Redeemer church. It wasn't too far from where I stayed so I decided to visit. I had three Sundays there and I went twice for the morning service and once for the evening service, all at the Upper East Side. The Redeemer church is known for its founding pastor, Tim Keller. Back then, I didn't know how famous he was. If I'm remembering correctly, the church has five pastors or so and they all take turns randomly(?) so that the people don't favour one pastor. I got to listen to Keller two out of three times I visited the Redeemer. If I knew how well-known of a pastor he is, I might have listened to his sermons differently. Whether I knew about him or not, his sermons were influential and inspiring. I particularly have a fond memory of the second one I heard. It was meaningful to me because I very much related to his sermon at that point of my life.

 

The title of the sermon was called "The Compassion of God" with the verses coming from Jonah 4:1-11. Before writing this entry, I wanted to refresh my memory so I was looking for the sermon on iTunes. Sadly, it wasn't there. So I googled it, and came across a blog that has a summary of the sermon. If you're interested, click here to read the blog. I'm writing my post based on the notes I've made a couple of years ago. I'm only covering the main topics so I strongly suggest you visit the above blog if you want to get the details.

 

As you can note from the title, the main message was about the compassion of God. To summarize, Keller pointed out three things:

1) compassion of God - how God's heart is voluntarily attached to us and with mercy He forgives us.

2) compassion of Jesus - which is the ultimate expression of compassion and forgiveness 

3) our compassion - how can we be compassionate?

 

From what I remember, Keller spent a decent amount time talking about the last point. In order for us to have the compassion of Jesus, we must do the following:

a) don't enjoy or avoid giving criticism

b) love cities

c) forgive readily

d) expect trouble in your life

e) take time to weep

 

The biggest thing that had an impact on me was point c: forgive readily. God was speaking to me through this sermon to forgive those who have hurt me. I was able to relate to this greatly, because of a couple of recent experiences while I was in New York. I was going through a tough time as I was hurt by a couple of people that I've trusted. I kept asking God why those things happened to me. I couldn't understand why He took those relationships away from me, because I'm sure He knew how I endeared them. Not just that, I had a difficult time trying to figure out and understand what had happened. I tried so hard to find what went wrong, and what I've done wrong. It could be my selfish thought but I just couldn't figure out what I did wrong that led to that kind of outcome.

 

In the end, I came to the conclusion that I was having a difficult time forgiving these people. I couldn't accept what has happened and I was feeling bitter towards these people. It didn't matter if it was me or them who screwed up our relationships - we both had something to do with it because a relationship is always a two-way thing. Feeling bitter, betrayed, numb, upset, uncomprehending, and shocked, I entered the sanctuary on Sunday. When we were singing and praising, I just broke down because I was so overwhelmed. All the tears in me rushed down my cheeks. I couldn't sing along anymore. Then, I focused on the words to the songs and realized how comforting they were. My sadness changed to thanksgiving as I sang along to "He knows my name." Suddenly, I felt  peace in my heart and God's comforting touch. When the sermon began and God spoke to me to forgive readily, I was thinking, 'oh my gosh, this message is for me.' I began to think about Jesus' sacrifice to forgive me. He forgave all my sins - past, present and future - whether small or big, He erased every ugly thing I've done. I always prayed that I want to be like Jesus, to have His eyes, to have His mind, and to have His heart. God forgave a sinner like me.. shouldn't I forgive other who have wronged against me? I prayed to God that I want forgive those people who have hurt me. After I finished praying, all the bitterness and pain in my heart disappeared. I have discovered the peace and comfort in my heart only God could provide. It really felt amazing.

 

Thinking back at that time, I realize I couldn't have forgiven those people by myself. I was able to do that with the power of the Holy Spirit. I'm thankful for giving me the heart to forgive. I just pray that those people who have hurt me in the past won't feel guilty for what they have done. I pray that they know I've already forgiven them, as God has forgiven me.

no.28 130528 Thank you for giving me three meals a day

 "But I will sing of your strength, in the morning, I will sing of your love;

for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble"

Psalm 59:16

I have three meals a day. Sometimes, I just skip lunch and try to have a healthy snack and have an early dinner. On top of breakfast, lunch and dinner, I eat snacks in between each meal. I always have food at home, probably more than I need. If I need an ingredient for dinner, or if I am craving something, I can easily go out and get whatever I desire. Living in Toronto, one of the most multicultural cities in the world, I have access to pretty much any ingredient from any culture.

 

Before each meal, I give a thanksgiving prayer for the food that God has given me. When we were having dinner last night, I had a small talk with my sister about prayer before a meal. We were talking about how generic our prayers are. My sister told me that her prayers have been the same for as long as she can remember. She shared her prayer before the meal and I thought about mine. I repeated what I just prayed. Even though my words were thanking God for the food He provided, but my heart wasn't there. I realized that I have created a sentence or two and kept repeating myself before a meal. I'm not saying it's bad if you do that, but I just want you to take some time and really think about what you're saying. Are you really thankful for each meal that you're given? Not just thanking your mom or whoever made the meal for you, but also your ultimate provider?

Because I can eat whenever and whatever I want, I often forget how thankful I should be for the food. Very often, I take it for granted. Sometimes it's difficult to imagine what it's like to be in poverty because I'm not starving. We are all selfish beings hence we tend to think about ourselves than others, thanking it's all good, as long as I'm not hungry. The truth is, almost half the world (which is over three billion people), live on less than $2.50 US per day. You can click here to get more facts and stats on poverty.

Looking at these facts and stats, it makes me think about two things. First, it makes me think how God has blessed me with so much food - I never have to worry about what to eat. Therefore, I need to be truly thankful for the food He has provided me. Second, it encourages me to think about ways to help the poor. What can I do to decrease the poverty around the world? How can I feed a hungry child?

Today, I praise God and thank Him for providing me three meals a day.

no.27 130527 Thank you for my health

We all have different looks, characters and purposes in life, so don't compare yourself to others.

 

It's been pretty chilly the past week. The temperature suddenly dropped, especially in the morning and night. I saw some people wearing their winter jackets and scarves on the street. I didn't go that far but I did dress a little bit warmer compared to the week before. The week before, I was wearing shorts so it was definitely a big change in temperature.

 

I usually keep my window open even for a little at night because I like the fresh breeze in my room when I sleep. However, I had forgotten about the recent temperature drop and I left my window open last night. Yes, it was chilly in my room in the morning. I saw myself tightly wrapped around my duvet when I got up. My throat was feeling strange, a little bit sore. I was thinking 'uh oh, I probably got a cold while sleeping with my window open last night.' I was mad at myself because the last thing I want is being sick in summer. That would just be terrible.

 

As I finished my breakfast, I realized that my throat was much better. A couple of hours later, I felt completely normal. Even now, I don't feel anything in my throat. I was sneezing quite often today, but it could be my allergic reaction to something (I'm still trying to figure out what's making me sneeze). My sneeze will go away, I know! I'm thankful today for my health, that I didn't catch a cold.
I'll make sure my windows are closed before going to bed tonight.

no.26 130526 Thank you for the fresh air

"walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God"
Ephesians 5:2

Exploring my neighbourhood part two - I found a bike trail in front of my house! To be honest, my dad found it for me online when I told him wanted to ride my bike. He didn't want me biking on the road, so he researched bike trails in the neighbourhood (it's because he saw me riding my bike and I was going wobbly). And personally, I prefer bike-only roads because I'm not that good at biking... Surprisingly, there was one really close by but I haven't yet had the chance to take my bike out.

 

The past few days of sudden temperature drop and the strong wind hindered me from going out for a walk (it was really cold.. around 5 degress Celsius in the mornings and nights.. and it's the end of May!). Although it was still a little bit chilly today, I ate a lot for dinner and needed to digest all the everything I ate before bed. I encouraged my sister to go for a walk with me. If she said no, I probably wouldn't have gone out either, because it was past my exercise time. We put our running shoes on, well, at least I did, and stepped outside to get fresh air.

 

The sun was slowly setting, and the air was really crisp and cool. I took my sister to the park by my house, and we walked around the track. The track splits into two ways - the first way was the direction I took when I was there last time, and the second way is the one my sister and I decided to explore today. It led us to endless two-way road. It was a bike trail. It was very quiet... there wasn't that many people on the road. I saw one guy skateboarding, a girl walking, and an old man walking his dog. The place being empty and tranquil was nice, but it could also be dangerous too, especially if you're walking alone in the evening. I was really glad my sister was there with me. I probably wouldn't have taken that path if I was alone, since it was past 8:30PM.

 

I am thankful for the fresh air. It helps me get my mind off things that trouble me, and it's also good for my health. I strongly suggest that you go for a little walk after dinner while the weather is still cool, because once it reaches 30 degrees, these walks may not be enjoyable. So, take advantage now!

no.25 130525 Thank you for our family reunion (we miss you mom!)

My desk. I used to do a lot of arts and crafts when I was younger.

I have a younger sister. She's six years younger than me. I call her Sunny baby - it's a nickname I've given her a long time ago, which is a combination of her name and the word 'baby' as she is the baby of the family. I'm probably the only one to call her by that nickname. I think she likes it (right Sunny?). I used to think that my sister and I didn't look alike. Our eyes are different, our noses are different, our lips, our ears, even our face shapes are different. One day, we took a picture together. I remember staring at the picture for quiet some time because I was surprised on how similar we look. However, this depends each day. Some days we're like identical twins, and other days we don't see any similarities. It's weird, isn't it?

 

Anyways, my sister doesn't live with me ever since she went to university. She goes school that's two hours away from Toronto so she had no other option than to move out. Last year, she came back at the end of April, but she was busy with volunteering that she only came home just today. In celebration of our family reunion, we had a sam-gyup-sal party! I was craving it for a while so I was looking forward to tonight's dinner. Actually, I had it last Sunday when my friends and I went out for lunch after church... but it's just so good. I love meat! For those of you who don't know what sam-gyup-sal is.. Sam-gyup-sal literally means three layered meat. It has less than 1cm thickness, pan-fried pork belly. You can also grill kimchi, garlic, mushrooms in the pork fat with the meat, and it tastes really good. I usually dip it in a spicy sauce called 'ssam-jang', but most people prefer just dipping into salt and pepper. It's a very common food in Korea, enjoyed by all age groups. Growing up, I don't have that many memories of eating sam-gyup-sal or any other pork dish at home because my mom doesn't like pork. And my dad doesn't like chicken. So we would usually eat beef or fish. I only became familiar with sam-gyup-sal when I visited Korea. It was like a whole new world to me when I first tried it. Well, what makes it so tastey is the fat in the meat... ultimately it's not the healthiest food for you so if you have a high cholestrol level, I don't recommend it. What I do is I usually cut most of fat, so I consume only a little portion of it. Ahh, I just had it for dinner, and I'm thinking about it again. I'm gonna cook it again tomorrow because I have some leftovers! 

 

Although it feels a bit crowded at home, it sure is nice to have my sister back. It's different when my sister is here as oppose to just me and my dad. My mom is in Korea at the moment, so we're still missing one member of the family. Tomorrow, we're going to skype with mom so our family can finally reunite!

no.24 130524 Thank you for my life group

Colourful mugs at Indigo the bookstore. One of my favourite stores.

I've joined life group that my church offers. It's a Bible study group, but I guess my church just calls it differently. I joined one last year for the first time, and this is my second year being a part of great fellowship, time of learning and reflection with fellow Christian girls.

A couple of years ago, I wanted to be involved at my church, and be a part of some sort of Bible study because I was yearning for more of God in my life. By mid 2011, however, due to hardships in life, I felt lost and I started to wander aimlessly. When I think about it now, I'm not sure why I didn't try to hold on tighter to God when the times were tough. I know God wanted to continue our relationship, but I kept rejecting Him. I guess I didn't have much faith back then. There was absolutely no growth in my spiritual life during that time. My heart no longer sought after a personal relationship with Him.

By 2012, I came to realize that it was unhealthy to live life this way - living a life that's distant from God. Thankfully, something made me realize that I needed to get back to Him. In the midst of finding ways to rebuild my relationship with God, I found out that my church offers a life group. At first I was hesistant if this could help, but soon I decided to join.

Even after participating in a life group, I still struggled to get back on track and set my life focus on God. There were some days when I didn't feel like going. Actually, I think there was a time I just didn't go because I didn't feel like going. Most of the times, I forced myself to go. You might think forcing myself is probably as bad as not going at all. But at the end of the meeting, I always thought to myself "I'm glad I came out." The life group meetings came to an end at the end of the year. At that point, I took some time to look back to the past year. I realized that I didn't grow spiritually as much as I wanted in the beginning of the year. I was disappointed in myself but I wanted to keep trying.

This is my second year joining a life group at my church. The people, the atmosphere, the dynamics, the materials we cover are all different from last year. But the motive is the same - striving to have a closer relationship with God, to get to know Him on a personal level and to live a godly life. I am much more motivated this year than the last. It's still difficult to live a godly life, to pray and do quiet times consistently. However, I know I'm not alone. God has provided me with my life group girls - experiencing similar challenges in life, as well as in our spiritual life - to keep challenging myself to grow more and more, and to be there to encourage me when things are hard. Today, I am thankful for my life group (I'm just coming back from our meeting!), and I praise God for these wonderful ladies in my life.

no.23 050523 Thank you for giving me the heart for missions

Homemade amaretti made by me. One of my favourite cookies.

I have just finished my short term mission application for the summer.

 

I was contemplating between two destinations - Mexico and Cambodia. For a while, I couldn't decide between the two. Then I was leaning towards to Cambodia because I wanted to serve at the orphanage that my church built some years ago. Although God didn't specifically say 'go to Cambodia', He gave me the heart to look after the orphans during my quiet times with Him. Receiving this message, I automatically thought Cambodia is the place where I need to be this summer. As I was preparing my application and myself for this country, I learned that the mission team won't be helping out at the orphanage because of the time conflict. Normally, the church will send the team around the time the children are on their summer vacation, but for some reason, this year's mission trip is scheduled earlier.

 

After hearing that, I was a little confused on where God wanted me to go. There were two other destinations, but I wasn't much interested in them. I started to pray for Mexico. I talked to my pastor about the short term trip to Mexico, as he will be leading the team. I learned that the Mexico team will be supporting a local church with the children's programs. I'm not sure if they're orphans or not though. On top of that, the team will be building houses for people without a place to live. So I figured, I like making things with my hands, so why not build a house? I've taken woodshop classes before, so I know how to use a bandsaw (yes, I totally looked that up just now). Well, I'm quite sure people won't use a standing electrical saw to cut pieces to make a house, but I'm trying to prove a point here - that I have experience working with saws and nails and hammers, and I can work at a construction site! I just suck at following instructions.. so as long as someone verbally says it out loud, then I will be fine, I think.

 

Once again, God hasn't clearly told me to go to Mexico. The only thing I'm certain is that He wants to send me to somewhere this summer. However, because I am pretty sure that my heart is not set on the other two countries (well, at least just this year), and the deadline for Cambodia passed already, I thought it must be Mexico. I will only find out if I do go in July. I'll keep you posted on this.

In the meantime, I am thankful that God gave me the heart for missions. It's something I wanted to go before, and I have tried in the past, but never got to. I pray that the time is right and also that the destination is right this time. If I go, it'll be my first mission trip ever. I am excited for this opportunity for my spiritual growth, but yes there is also a fear of the unknown. Even though I'm seen through media and heard stories about mission field numerous times, it's truly different if you're physically there, facing the reality. I know it's not gonna be easy. On top of spiritual challenge, there are other things I'm worried about. I'm a clean freak so I have to shower everyday. I'm scared of bugs and wild creatures. Cilantro makes me sick. I've heard bad things about the country. I have many weaknesses, and I don't know how I can be helpful... I can keep going. I know I will be spiritually, physically and even mentally challenged. But I also know that God is with me when I go through those times. One thing I know for sure is that if He calls me to do something, I know I will do it because God planned for it to happen. I want to be used by God. He will prepare me for the trip, and guide me through it with Holy Spirit. I pray that God will take away this worry and fear I have, and fill me up with confidence. I pray that He will turn my weaknesses into strengths as He uses me for His glory.

no.22 130522 Thank you for the oasis in the desert

From one of my notes, dated Saturday, May 22, 2011 @ Brooklyn Park, NYC

 

Before moving to Toronto, I used to live in the Greater Toronto Area. Unlike Toronto, my old neighbourhood was quiet, nice, clean, and definitely more spacious. Most buildings were two stories high, and the view from my room was great as no tall buildings blocked my view. From time to time I like to get away from the city and the congestion. Living in the GTA, especially in my neighbourhood, I didn't have to go too far. Whenever I needed some fresh air, all I needed to do was step outside. There was no park near my house, but I think the neighbourhood itself was peaceful enough, and certainly not as polluted as the city, that it gave me the comfort and freshness that the nature provides. On some days, I liked to sit down and relax, or lie down on a bench and look at the sky while listening to my ipod playlist. During the night time, I often went out to look at the stars. Yes, there were still lights that interrupted me from seeing the sky clearly, but it wasn't so bad. I enjoyed these alone times to talk to God.

 

When I moved to Toronto, I knew I was gonna miss my old neighbourhood and doing those activities. I was so sure that I won't get to see that many stars as I used to, and I would have to say good-bye to those 'zen moments' outdoors. But I was wrong.  

 

I wasn't feeling that good when I was working out today. I decided to cut it short and go for a walk to get some fresh air. It was my first time walking around the neighbourhood. I purposely refrained from taking a walk in this area because the neighbourhood is crowded with people and cars, especially on the main streets. I took the residential streets instead. There is also a park that is literally a minute walk from my place. I didn't take advantage of the park because the parks in the cities tend to be unclean as they serve as homes to the homeless. But then, I heard people playing baseball from time to time in the park, and when I passed by it today, it didn't look so bad. I decided to visit it on the way home.

 

It took me half an hour to realize how nice my neighbourhood was. Perhaps the atmosphere helped it a lot. It had been raining about an hour ago, and the sky just cleared up. Everthing felt refreshing. Also, I was sweating in the gym, so it definitely felt good. It was still a little humid but it didn't matter because the breeze was nice. It made me feel so good, I was smiling like a crazy person. I talk to myself a lot.. so people on the street might have thought I was weird. But oh well! I was super happy!

On my way back home, I went to explore the park. It had two baseball diamonds and a big tennis court. It also had a short bike path which I found useful. After walking around the path for some time, the beautiful sunset captured my attention. I stood still and gazed at the setting sun. It was too beautiful. At that moment, I had to praise God. I tend to get overwhelmed when I see God's wonderful works in nature. I'm pretty sure most people feel this way when they look at the sunset or the night sky. It makes me realize the God who painted the colourful sky, the God who placed the stars in the sky is my God. God of all creation also created me. And what's more amazing and wonderful is that He loves me.

 

Brooklyn Park in New York, May 22, 2011

Today, I am thankful for not only the beautiful view that I got to see, but I am thankful for the natural scenery in my neighbourhood. When I was thanking God for this at the park, something else crossed my mind. I remember having a similar momement when I was in New York City two years ago. Even the most populous city in the States, provided me with Central Park, Madison Square Garden and Brooklyn Park - a little place of nature when you need a break from the busy city. "Coming to places like this is like finding an oasis in a desert' - I wrote this in my note while looking at the Brooklyn Bridge at the Brooklyn Park, exactly two years ago from today. I know that there will always be a place of comfort and peace that God provides through nature wherever I am. I found it in my new neighbourhood, and even in NYC!

no.21 130521 Thank you for little, happy surprises (part 1: sharing umbrella with a stranger)

I copied this illustration from Cyworld. I don't know who the original artist is.

I have many memories associated with the rain. Today, I'm going to pull out one of them. I'm not forcing myself to recall this, but it suddenly popped up in my head yesterday. This sudden rain reminds me of the last time I visited Korea. It was my last night, so I went out to meet one of my good childhood friends to say goodbye. It started raining heavily when I got on the bus. I was hoping it would stop by the time when I got off the bus, but it didn't seem like that was gonna happen. I didn't want to get soaking wet, because I had to transfer to another bus at a different bus stop in order to get to my aunt's house. The distance from the first bus stop to the next bus stop wasn't that far. I just needed to cross the street and walk a minute or two to the bus stop in front of the subway station. But it was pouring, and it was still a little cold as it was early April. I didn't have my umbrella. I thought to myself, I'm going to be soaking wet by the time I get on the next bus. All I thought about at that moment was to get to the subway station as fast as I can. When I got off the bus, I quickly ran to the intersection.

 

Unfortunately, the light had just turned red. Because it was late, I had nowhere to go other than just to stand there until the green light. I was getting wet and also getting cold. Suddenly, I didn't feel any raindrop on my head. Then there was a guy standing next to me, sharing his umbrella with me. I remembered seeing him on the bus that I was on a minute ago. I thanked him for sharing his umbrella and when the light turned green, we crossed the crosswalk. To be honest, the umbrella didn't help much than protecting my head from the rain, because of the strong wind and the pouring rain. But I admit, it was better than not having the umbrella at all!

The guy asked me which direction I was going. I told him I was transferring so I had to go to the subway station. He said he was going the opposite direction. So I thanked him for sharing his umbrella, and told him that I would wait for the bus inside the station. He told me he doesn't live too far from where we were, so he'll run to his house. He offered me his umbrella. I couldn't receive it because it was pouring so he needed it, and I didn't need it (at least at the moment while I waited for the bus). I ended up taking his umbrella because he so strongly suggested that I take it. He just ran to the other direction. I bet he was wet from head to toe by the time he got home. I felt so bad, but at the same time, his kind gesture made me happy. I remember going home smiling.

These small surprises in life make me happy. I'm sure you'd be smiling too, if it happend to you. Surprises may not always come in a good form, but in this case, it was a happy surprise. I realize, sometimes these small, simple gestures of kindess are what makes most of us happy. Don't you think so?

 

Oh, I also have another memory about sharing umbrellas with strangers. Last year, I was in New York City with my sister, and suddenly it was thundering and pouring so hard. Thankfully, I was prepared this time. Well, to be more precise, my sister was prepared. She had brought her umbrella, after checking the weather before leaving the hotel. The weather was just too crazy, we had to look for a temporary shelter to dry up for a bit. While waiting for the light to change at an intersection, this random person eating a hot dog (@Sunny -was he?) out of nowhere comes into our umbrella and stands in front of us. Then when the light turned green, he disappeared. I just thought it was funny and random!

no.20 130520 Thank you for letting me fall asleep under the moonlight

An illustration of Le Petit Prince from my high school sketch book.

 

I like those nights when the moon is bright and the sky is clear. I love looking at the night sky and I also love falling asleep under the moon (Actually, I prefer moonless sky when observing the sky because I get to see more stars). To be more precise, I love falling asleep as the moonlight shines my face. You can say that I'm weird, but oh well! I literally face the window so I can see the moon. Some people need absolute darkness when they sleep, but I don't mind a little bit of light. The moonlight is very subtle so it definitely doesn't interrupt me from falling asleep. In fact, it helps me fall asleep better. It makes me fall asleep happily. Another thing I really like is seeing the moon when I wake up in the middle of the night. Whenever this happens, I remember falling back to sleep smiling. It just makes me so happy!

My old place had really large windows. I had my bed by the window, and most of the time I would face the window and fall asleep. I had all my blinds open before going to bed, because I wanted to feel the moonlight tickling my face whenever the moon was shining bright. I also like waking up to the beautiful sky in the morning, especially those mornings when I hear my favourite bird singing. I'll save that story for another day. I was sad that I might not be able to fall asleep under the moonlight again when I left my old place. However, I learned that I was wrong.

 

Although it was a little bit cloudy last night, I was still able to see the moon from my bed. I'm thankful because I got to see the moon from my bed once again. I thankful for the great view of the night sky from my room as well. I face the west side, so I was able to see the beautiful winter constellations such as Orion, Gemini, and Auriga, the past winter. I have this sky map app on my phone and I am so amazed by it! All I need to do is to point my phone to the sky to see the constellations. It displays the stars in the direction my phone. Isn't that so cool? When I was in high school, it was definitely harder to look at the night sky. I had a star gazing program on my computer, and I had to print out different sections of the sky whenever I wanted to observe the stars. I kept a binder with all these printouts. My friends even got me books on astronomy and star gazing for my birthday. Anyways, I'll leave my stargazing story here and continue on next time.

no.19 130519 Thank you for my Sunday mornings

Two years ago, taken by Sunny Baby (my sister) with DSLR.

 

Jazz is one of my favourite genres of music. I guess it's really broad when I say jazz, because it can range anywhere from Louis Armstrong to Herbie Hancock to Wynton Marsalis to Diana Krall. I don't know much about the history of jazz or different types of jazz. When I hear a song I like, I look up the musician and listen to other songs by the same artist to get a glimpse of what his or her style is like. If I were to rank the types of music I like, Bossa Nova will be on my top five. Bossa nova is a Brazilian music, meaning 'new trend' in Portuguese. It is a fusion of jazz and samba. I first heard the famous bossa nova song called 'The Girl from Ipanema' by Antonio Carlos Jobim when I was in high school, and I absolutely fell in love with it.

 

I used to tune into the Toronto jazz station every Sunday morning while I was getting ready for church. On Sunday mornings, they always air John Pizzarelli and Jessica Molaskey's Radio Deluxe. This was one of my favourite moments of the week. Why am I writing in past tense if I still go to church? It's because ever since I started serving at the preschool/kindergarten ministry, I have to go to church 2 hours earlier than I usually did.  Hence, I can't listen to the couple. I was a little bit sad about missing this show but I realized that I can listen to it on my way to church!

 

As usual, I had my radio tuned to 91.1 while driving to church. Out of the songs they played today, I especially enjoyed one song called 'My Cherie Amour (click to listen!).' The original is by Stevie Wonder, but as you might know, in jazz, there are lots and lots of covers of one song by various musicians. The version I listened to today was a cover by a Brazilian jazz artist, Eliane Elias with a bossa nova feel to it. I never heard of this version but I really liked it. What I like about bossa nova is the happy, light and frothy feel it has. There's some kind of mysterious charm to it - you'll know what I mean if you're a bossa nova fan like me. It made me feel so good, driving to church, listening this song, and having the wind gently brushing my hair. I was in a good mood already, but this song definitely made me extra happy! If you're in a bad mood today, I strongly suggest you listen to bossa nova. I highly recommend 'My Cherie Amour' by Eliane Elias. I'm pretty sure you'll be in a good mood just like I am!

 

I am thankful for this Sunday morning, and every other Sunday mornings! Not just because of this jazz radio station, but the fact that I can go to a place called church, where I gather with fellow Christians. I think it's easy to forget how blessed we are to live in Canada where we have plenty of churches, and to be able to go to one without any worries of getting in trouble.

no.18 130518 Thank you for the time to organize my stuff

I found an old photo of myself. Summer vacation in Guam, grade 3 or 4.

 

Today was a cleanup day for me. I cleaned up my room and my stuff, and some parts around the house. I've been busy moving around things from here to there all day long. When I was organizing, I got a chance to listen to the podcasts that I downloaded a while ago. But I barely listened to them since I was so focused on cleaning up. Plus, I don't have external speakers so there was a limit of how loud I could hear the podcasts.

 

I enjoy cleaning up, but the way I do it super messy. I discovered that I can't do it one-by-one. Well, I usually start with one thing, and that leads me to another, and so on. For instance, I begin with my desk drawers. Without finishing tidying them up, I take out the boxes under my bed. Then, I search my nightstand drawers. I end up with a whole pile of random stuff on the floor - books, photos, cards and letters, journals, stuffed animals, and jewelry boxes. Only then, I realize the mess I've just created and not knowing where to begin, I start to panic. I guess that's my way of organizing. I take everything out at once, and slowly go on from there.

 

I'm thankful for today for having this time to organize my stuff and clean up my room. It still needs a little bit more of tidying up, but I'm glad I started. It was something that needed to be done for some time! Plus, I found a funny photo of myself!

no.17 130517 Thank you for giving me the courage

 

"Be strong and courageous.

Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,

for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go"

 

Joshua 1:9

 

***

If you've been following my blog, you'll know that I have written a post about hearing God and finding His will for each one of us. I continued to pray and sought after God's plan for me for the past few days and finally, I've decided to be brave and take an action. Although I'm still not completely sure whether this is God's direction or not, I figured that I can't just do nothing if I wanted to find out what lies behind this thought that could be coming from God. I wanted to discover the truth. I still worry and question things like, "oh, what if I heard Him wrong? What if this isn't what God wanted me to do? What if I just did it because it's something I wanted to do and I'm pretending as if it's coming from God in order to comfort myself?" There are endless 'what if' questions to the fear of the unknown. I'm worried that the reason that I'm even pondering upon these questions may signal that what I've done today is not God's plan. I really don't know, and won't know until I see the result.

What I do know is that I need to trust God fully. He already knew about my thoughts and worries even before I began to develop them in my head.  If I have made a mistake, then God will lead me to the right path. I trust that He will also guide me in fixing my mistakes. If I've heard Him right, and I'm walking in the direction as He planned for me, then great! I will continue to pray for His guidance and wisdom in knowing His plan for me. So I'm thankful that I was able to be courageous enough to take an action to find something that I think it's coming from God. As God told Joshua three times in his time of transition, God tells me to "be strong and courageous" today.

no.16 130516 Thank you for my healthy legs

 

There has been a problem with the elevators at my condo since earlier this week. I'm not sure what's taking the management so long to get it fixed. Due to the problem, there has been longer waits than usual. I'd say at least 10 minutes. I know it sounds like nothing, but when you live in this face-paced world where everything has to be done quick, quick, quick, 10 minutes is a long time. I was in a hurry this morning, so it seemed longer than what it actually took. Coming home today, there was even a lineup at the lobby. I thought it was ridiculous that people had to wait for the elevators to get to their homes. Seven people including myself didn't bother waiting and took the stairs instead. The funny thing was, we didn't know where the right stairs were. There are different sets of stairs and some are only accessible on certain floors - the building is kind of complicated. I was having a problem finding an exit on the second floor on the way to the gym last night.

 

I'm thankful for my healthy legs (and also that I don't live on the 20th+ floor!). I would've had to wait for the elevator in frustration, if there was a problem with my legs.

no.15 130515 Thank you for helping me find my old friends

 

It's so convenient nowadays that we have Facebook. When you meet someone new, all you need to do is get his or her name and look it up on Facebook. Whether you talk to this 'friend' often or not, you'll always have him or her on your contact list.

 

When I was in elementary school, there was no such thing as Facebook. I don't know which year emails were first used, but I created my first email account in 1999. That was after I moved to Canada. Before leaving Korea, I was just starting to learn how to use a computer. I wasn't aware of emails at the time. I wanted to keep in touch with my friends in Korea, but it wasn't as simple as it is now. I didn't have a phone number or address to give to my friends. I didn't have an email either. All I could do was to get my friends' address so I can write a letter to them, or get a phone number to call. Because letters take a long delivery time, I couldn't write that often. As I got older, it got harder to keep in touch with my friends because we were all busy with school, pursuing after each of our ambitious dreams. Slowly, I lost connection with many of my childhood friends from Korea.

 

Now that it's been more than 10 years since I've left Korea, I don't even recall that many names from elementary school. Sadly, I only remember a handful of names in my grade 5 class. One by one, I searched their names on Facebook. Some of them, I couldn't tell whether they are my friends or not because the profile pictures aren't clear enough. Others, I'm certain that I know them - surprisingly, they haven't changed at all. Yet, I'm hesitant because I'm scared that they may not remember me. To me, these friends that I've been searching for - they are my last childhood memory from Korea. They are a part of my special memory. Because of this reason, I'm very much attached to my grade 5 class and its reminiscences. Although I grew up, it feels like my friends in Korea never grew up, because I haven't seen them since when we were in grade 5. It might sound weird, but in my mind, they were and they still are in the image of twelve year old kids. And because they have all grown up together, they probably won't have the same perception that I have. They're most likely not attached to the memories from grade five. What I find special may not be special to someone else.
 

On one hand, I was happy to see some familiar faces on Facebook. However, because of the above reason, I was hesitant to message my friends. When I found one friend that I was close with, I took some courage and messaged her. This happened about a week ago. I didn't hear any response back and I was disappointed thinking I've been forgotten. Well, it turns out she actually remembers me! Just yesterday, she messaged me saying that she remembers me. I was so happy! I am thankful that I'm able to find my old friends. I hope to find some more and perhaps one day, we can all meet and recollect our childhood memories together. Wouldn't that be fun?

no.14 130514 Thank you for finding me when I'm lost

 

Have you ever experienced a time when you were listening to a message and it felt like it was written just for you? I had that experience today as I was reading Joyce Meyer's daily devotion.

 

I came across Meyer's daily devotion through one of my life group members. I looked it up yesterday for the first time and I could relate to her a lot (at least, what she wrote yesterday seemed to relate to the current life stage I am in), so I was drawn to it again this morning. Today's devotion was about how we seek to hear from God but we're afraid of making a mistake - the uncertainty of whether we've truly heard Him or not. Very often I see myself struggling with this.

 

Sometimes I feel like God is telling me something, but afterwards, I have second thoughts as I start questioning myself if it is really coming from God or if it's something I want to believe it's coming from Him out of my selfishness. Because of these 'second thoughts,' I was afraid of what I believe is God's plan. I had a fear of misinterpreting God and making a mistake. What I've never thought of was that it's okay to miss God because He will find me. God will find me and fix my mistake. Therefore, I shouldn't be afraid to take the step of faith in response to what God is saying to me right now.

 

I'm thankful that God has always found me when I was lost. Most likely I will be lost again, but I am certain that God will find me. He will direct me to the right path that God has planned for me. So if I think there is something God is telling me to do right now, I'm going to take a chance. If I'm wrong, then He will find me and show me the right path again.

no.13 130513 Thank you for helping me get back to the gym

 I'm far from being sporty. I like watching sports, yet there aren't that many sports that I enjoy doing. Here is a short list of sports that are lucky enough to be in my 'thumbs up' category: hiking (nothing too intense), biking (only in parks where the cars are not allowed), and swimming (in the swimming pool - I'm scared of sea creatures). Oh man, I sound very picky. I didn't even have running shoes until I found a pair of Nikes at home. I'm not quite sure if they are running shoes or something else to be honest. I also don't know to whom they belong - perhaps my sister's or my cousin's. But they fit me well, so I've decided to wear them whenever I workout.
 

I've been working out 3-4 times a week since February this year, and I've been doing a pretty good job keeping it up until a couple of weeks ago. Not sure what stopped me, but ever since then it became hard to motivate myself to go to the gym. I know it feels good after a good work out, but even that is not enough motivation for me. Recently, I weighed myself which led me in a shocking state. Since the last time I weighed myself (which was about a month ago?), I've gained almost 4kg. I was so shocked I couldn't stop laughing. Last year, I lost 4kg due to stress. I've been trying to gain it back since last September, but just couldn't do it...until now. It suddenly happened and I'm quite not happy with it. I feel like a fatty!
 

My sudden weight gain motivated me to go back to my regular workout. Sadly, I had to learn it the hard way, but still, I'm thankful that I am motivated to exercise again. I'm not going to try to lose my weight. Instead, I'll try not to gain any more weight and exercise to stay healthy!

no.12 130512 Thank you for my mom

 

Happy Mother's day to my mom, and all moms out there!

 

It's good that there is a day to celebrate and appreciate moms. Moms definitely deserve this appreciation for who they are, and what they've done for us. I'm sure most of us wrote cards, wrapped presents, made breakfasts and did other nice things today to make our moms feel extra-special, and also give her a day-off. However, I feel that 'Mother's day' shouldn't be the only day to do nice things for moms. They certainly deserve more than just one day a year for all the sacrifices they make for us. I need to remind myself to be thankful for my mom and also to thank her more often.

In today's sermon on Mother's day, my pastor pointed out three traits of a godly mother (it applies to anyone who's a Christian as well). First, she is a woman of prayer - she prays continually. Second, she sacrifices - she would give something that is precious to her to God instead of keeping it to herself. Lastly, she trusts in the sovereign God wholeheartedly. I pray that this to be true for my mom and also for all Christian mothers. I pray that I be a godly woman, and one day a godly mom as well. So I'm thankful for my mom for who she is. I wish we could've spent this Mother's day together! I hope we could next year!

no.11 130511 Thank you for my childhood memories

 

I was watching some documentary about a family. The video was filmed on a resort in the Philippines, as the family was on a trip together. The father of the family was the focus of the film. The parents' of the father in the video got divorced when he was young and that had a negative  impact on him. When he was asked about his childhood, he said he only had bad memories, especially because he remembers his parents arguing almost every day. He had never been on a family trip together with his parents. Because of his sad childhood, he kept saying how he doesn't want to repeat what his parents did to him to his children. The video shows him trying to be a good dad to his three children, and portrays a family trip as one of the things he does to keep up the good relationship of his family.

 

The video gave me a chance to think about what my childhood was like, and what my parents were like. It made me realize how blessed I am that I have both of my parents with me. I also have a lot of memories of our family vacation. The photos that my dad took while we were on a trip, helps me recall my childhood. My dad loves traveling with the whole family. Whether it's just him, my mom, me and my sister, or including my grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, he just likes going to places whenever there's an opportunity. This is one of the things I like about my dad, and hope that my future husband will also be willing and enjoy traveling with me and our family. I'm blessed to have my dad and my mom as my parents, and I am thankful for my childhood memories that my parents provided for me.

no.10 130510 Thank you for the rain

 

Since the day I started my blog (May 1st, 2013), there wasn't a day without sunshine. The past nine days have been sunny and beautiful. The temperature ranged from late teens to mid twenties. Actually, it was getting too hot to call it spring.

 

Finally, we are getting some rain to cool down the summer-like days. I was looking forward to this day since we haven't had rain in a while. I'm thankful for the rain not only because we need it, but also because I like rainy days. Well, I prefer sunny days over rainy days but I'd like to see the rain once in a while. It sure is refreshing! Also, I like the rustic smell of the rain. I love listening to the rain drops, accompanied by voices of Chet Baker or John Pizzarelli. I like to sit by the window and sip on a cup of a warm green tea latte while watching people outside. So... let it rain!