no.365 140430 Thank you for the 365 days of blogging "merci toujours"

merci toujours: 365 days of thankful heart

This is it.

I've listened to Michael Buble's "Quando, quando, quando"each night for a year, when the clock struck 10PM. 365 days of blogging has finally come to an end. Let the celebrations begin! I've been wondering about how I should end my blog and what picture I should use. I was considering if I should make a year-end summary as I did for New Year's Eve. But I figured that I will probably end up repeating myself. So, I'm just gonna finish it off casually.

Honestly, not every day was easy for me as I expected. At times, I wasn't as thankful or humble. On some days, I was staring at the monitor for about a half an hour or so, not knowing how to begin because it seemed like nothing "meaningful" happened that day. Still, I'm thankful that I was able to blog daily (well, except for a few times I was sick or without internet) and to "give thanks in all circumstances"(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). I'm thankful for the 365 things that I was thankful for in the past year. I'm really happy and proud of myself for completing this long journey. Through this project, I have learned to appreciate the simple things that we take for granted - like the nice weather for example. This blog definitely gave me an opportunity to slow down and look back at my life and see what God has blessed me with. Whether they are the things God has provided or has taken away, I was able to be amazed and be grateful for everything He was doing in my life - both big and small, special or ordinary. When I re-read the old entries, I know that He was present in every moment of my life. It once again reminded me that I should always be thankful.

To finish it off, I want to share a song with you - "Timeless" by Sergio Mendes. It's one of my old favourites and it's a fun song, which makes it appropriate for today's celebration:)


And, you're probably wondering my future plans for this blog. So, let me answer that for you.

Am I keeping the blog? Certainly!

Is this really it? Am I gonna say adieu to my blog?



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You'll find it out tomorrow!

In any case, thank you for reading my blog for the past 365 days:)

IYC

no.364 240429 Thank you for the signs of Spring

Received my book, binder and a journal for Mexico 2014!

On the way home, I noticed some signs of spring. Yes, definitely the spring rain for sure, but I saw something more exciting than that! The flower buds are coming out from the trees at last! I've been waiting to see some pretty colours in my neighbourhood. The one I saw was the magnolia tree by the subway station entrance. Despite this cold weather, the flower bud is making a very subtle appearance. And it's reminding me how thankful I should be that myself, and everything in nature survived through the cold Canadian winter and finally expecting another beautiful spring!

no.363 140428 Thank you for the rock climbing session

I did it upto level 5.7 today. Yay!

Have you ever tried rock climbing? I went for the first time after work, and it was definitely harder than I expected… and more fun than I thought. When I try to climb up for the very first time, it was so challenging I couldn't do it after two steps. Sadly, I gave up on the 5.5 one and downgraded to level 5.4. It was still hard but slightly easier than the first for sure. I think I sort of panicked halfway up because I didn't know where to grab and it was too high… I thought I wasn't afraid of heights but maybe I am. Well, at least that's what I thought after I completed the first wall. The hardest part was letting go of the grip. I was so afraid of falling so I wanted to just climb my way down. After that, it got easier and easier as I climbed more and more walls! My arms gonna be in so much pain… let's see if they feel worse than when I did construction in Mexico!

no.362 140427 Thank you for my memories from grade 1

Vintage sketch book diaries from the past!

A couple of weeks ago when I was doing a major house cleaning with my mom, I found a few of picture diaries from back when I was in grade one. I haven't gotten a chance to open it until today and I immediately bursted into laughter. I remember some people that was mentioned in my journal,  like my best friends in elementary school, and I also remember some stories in the book. Most of the stories are mundane - playing with my friends, going to swimming classes, visiting my grandparents and so on. Nonetheless, I recorded some special entries about preparing for my aunt's wedding and having fun at the autumn sports day at school. I pretty much recorded what happened that day - sometimes I expressed how I felt - happy, sad and how I was mad at my friends.

As I was reading, there was one story that caught my attention. I remember what happened that day really well, but I really didn't think I was that young when it happened. I thought I was in grade 3 but according to my diary, it took place when I was in grade 1. I took swimming class with a few of my friends when I was in grade one, and because it was a little bit far from where I lived, the shuttle bus came to pick me up and drove me back home along with three of my friends. One day, I got into a fight with two of them, and this other friend and I decided to not get on the shuttle bus but to walk home, just to show that we are angry at them. I'm such a coward, I don't know what made me decide to do something outrageous like that. I was only in grade one, and I'm pretty positive that it was dark and cold, as the entry was dated December 1st. It was right after swimming, so my hair was wet. There was even a tunnel that we had to pass to get home. Well, I guess I had a good sense of direction even back then, thankfully. My friend and I made it home, safe and sound (very thankfully!) and what happened next was… yup, we both got in a huge trouble. It says in my diary that my mom and my friend's mom were super angry, and that my dad was worried about me. I don't exactly remember how bad the punishment was, but yeah..  I would be terrified if my daughter did something like that. What in the world was I thinking? It is very possible that I might've gotten kidnapped or something, but I'm thankful that God protected me on my way home that very night. And tonight, I'm thankful for the sketch book diary that I found. It's as if I'm meeting myself from the past. I guess that's why I like keeping a journal. I wonder how I will feel when I read my blog ten years from now.

no.361 140426 Thank you for my new hairstyle

Sharing a free caramel macchiato with my mom!

I haven't done my hair in ages. The last time I did something interesting to it was about 3 years ago when I got a pretty short cut and dyed it in mahogany brown. I was getting sick of my hairstyle - just having a straight hair. I wanted to perm my hair for some time now, but I just wasn't able to. I finally got it done on Thursday! I am only writing it today because I finally washed my hair last night! I wasn't suppose to wash my hair for two days but I just couldn't wait… I hate having greasy hair. Anyways, I wasn't happy when I first saw my hair at the hair salon. The stylist kept asking if I liked it or not, but all I could say was "my hairs looks like ramen noodles." I'm still not sure if I am completely happy with the result… but I sure hope that it will look more tamed and nicer very soon!

no.360 140425 Thank you for the unexpected pick-up

Chocolate flowers in bloom

It's nice to know and to have someone who waits for you. I'm thankful for my parents who unexpectedly showed up after work. They didn't tell me that they were coming to pick me up so I was ready to walk to the subway after a long day at work. I checked my phone before leaving and found a pleasant surprise… that my parents have been waiting for me in the parking lot! What a great news! I asked them why they came so unexpectedly and the reason was because that it was raining and windy. I'm so spoiled… haha but, I'm really thankful for my parents. It was super windy and I didn't have an umbrella with me, so I probably would've gotten sick. Well, I'm already sort of sick but it would've definitely made it worse.

no.359 140424 Thank you for team Mexico 2014

I'm not a big fan of roses, but I like this colour. Pretty in pink:)

I had lunch meeting with my church's youth pastor to talk about Mexico mission trip this summer. I think it was sometime last week, I was thinking about the mission trip this year and how that there isn't that much time remaining until the team departs for Mexico! It's exciting, but it also means I have a lot to prepare.

I got testimonies of fourteen Hi-C students who are part of team Mexico 2014. I started reading one by one, trying to match the names to the faces I saw on Sunday. As I read, it made me realize that their faith and mind were a lot more mature than I expected. It is really amazing to know how passionate they are about God and to share the Good News with others - at school, during extra-curricular activity times and through missions.

I'm thankful that I have met these fourteen students. They are my first group of high school people that I've ever encountered with. I'm excited to get to know them personally, and to really be able to interact with each of them as we prepare for Mexico. I pray that as a big sister in God, that I may support them, encourage them, take care of them and protect them, especially while we are in Mexico. I pray for God's guidance and wisdom for me and for the youth pastor as we lead this awesome group of young adults to Guadalajara!

no.358 140423 Thank you for the postcard from France

Add caption

I love recieving little surprises. I got one in the mail today, all the way from France! My friend who was on a business trip had send one while she was in Cannes a couple of weeks ago. She came back before the postcard, but it was a sweet surprise:)

no.357 140422 Thank you for my mom's fast cooking

Pretty hydrangeas. It seems like flowers are everywhere!

I was just in a cranky mood today, I guess. After work, I was craving some noodles - pasta or pad thai or just any yummy noodles would do. I was hoping that my mom telepathically read my mind and would prepare one of those for dinner. As soon as I walked in, I found myself in disappointment when I asked my mom what she was making. Hmm, I sometimes get whiny but now that I think about it, I think I complain the most when I can't eat what I want to eat. My mom was so kind enough to make me noodles from scratch when I told her I what I wanted. If I was a mom and had a daughter like me, who complains that she wouldn't eat what I cooked and wanted to have something else, then I probably would just tell her there is no dinner for her. I'm thankful for my mom and her fast cooking skills. I know I was being so annoying, but thank you mom for cooking me a fast and delicious meal for me!

no.356 140421 Thank you for my blog follower

Green tea latte… and it tasted bad.

Yikes… I have a bad news. My knee is hurting again. I think it's because I started biking. I honestly thought it was healed but I guess I was wrong. I'll just be extra careful when I ride my bike next time.

Anyways, I discovered that I have a follower for my blog last night! It's so exciting:) I know my friends check my blog from time to time, they leave comments, and also message me about how I've been doing after reading it on my blog. But I was indeed excited to see that I now have a "follower."

no.355 140420 Thank you for Jesus Christ

On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 'The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.'" Then they remembered his words. 

Luke 24:1-8

This was part of the passage that we looked at at church. What stood out the most for me was the women who went to look for the body of Christ in the tomb. They had forgotten about what Jesus said to them before He died - the fact that He was going to come back alive in three days. The women were in sorrows, not remembering what Jesus had told them. They remembered only when the angels reminded them. I think I am very similar with the women. I easily forget that God is in total control and I try going my own way, as if I know what's best for me. I may realize God's greatness at a moment, but I'm quick to forget when situation changes, especially when the troubles come in my way.

I'm thankful for God's only Son Jesus. Through Him, I not only know how much God loves me, but I also know that my sins are forgiven and have eternal life. Hope you all got to ponder upon God's overflowing love for us through Jesus Christ this Easter.

Happy Easter!

no.354 140419 Thank you for the old cassette tapes

Oldies

I found old cassette tape from the 90s. I threw out most of them when I was packing to move to my new place a year and a half ago. I still kept a handful, but I decided to only keep three and the rest went into the garbage for good. The three most valuable cassettes that are being kept are: a recorded tape, "December" by George Winston and With Psalty (쏠티와 함께2). Each embodies a special story.

The recorded one has my voice and my cousin's voice from, probably when I was in elementary or middle school. I think that was the first time when I went back to Korea since I moved here. It was funny listening to me from the past. According to my mom, I sound exactly the same as now.

December by George Winston has one of my favourite songs - "Variations on the Canon" by Johann Pachelbel. It's a song that helped me realize that I have a special power:) If you're curious, you can read about this story here. 

I think I got "With Psalty" from my conductor at my church in Korea. I used to be in a choir at my church when I was in elementary school. We covered many songs from this album, and I particularly remember one song in the album. I just looked it up on Youtube and I'm really surprised to have found this song there! It's called "모래위의 집." I remember teaching this song to my sister, just so that I can sing with her (it's a round music). My mom and my sister would always wait for me at the back of the chapel until I finished my choir practice every Sunday. Then, we would head over to find my dad who was also a part of a choir. I haven't been a part of a choir since my childhood… I'm hoping for an opportunity to join one, hopefully in the near future!

no.353 140418 Thank you for the cross

Officially learning guitar now!

In morning prayer meetings, we've been focusing on Isaiah 53 this whole week. It was my first time finding out that the title of this chapter is called "The suffering and glory of the servant." There are two verses that appealed to me the most - verse 7 "He was oppressed and afflicted yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth" and beginning of verse 10, which goes like this: "yet it was the Lord's will to crush him and cause him to suffer."I've been forgetting that you and I aren't the only ones who made Jesus suffer and die on the cross. We are indeed a big part of it, but if it wasn't God's will, Jesus wouldn't have died. I'm thankful for the cross. I'm thankful for Jesus' blood who washed away my sins from the past, present and even the future.

no.352 140417 Thank you for the "memorable" exercise time with my prayer buddies

Another full day starting with the early morning prayer. I was doing relatively good with not taking a nap, except for today. To be honest, I'm not even sure if taking a nap was a good idea. I think I was struggling more to stay awake after my two hour nap. Anyways, my prayer buddies and I were planning to go for jogging/biking sometime today. We were hoping for a double digit temperature and nope… it didn't happen. I had my winter jacket on and everything but the wind was way to strong for me. My fellow joggers were wearing shorts and a T-shirt… true Canadians indeed. Coming back was even harder as I was biking against the wind.

The exercise time was followed by a yummy meal prepared by one of my prayer buddies. I also got a chance to learn how to play a guitar! My pinky is still hurting from the practice but I had fun learning! I hope to reach a point where I can play different chords and maybe play a song or two. It was a nice way to spend time outside morning prayer to actually get to know my prayer buddies better. 

And… I'm ready for bed now. My butt is starting to hurt, probably from the challenging bike ride against the strong wind. Must get some rest for the last morning prayer tomorrow!

no.351 140416 Thank you for this summer's mission trip

I was trying so hard to fall asleep last night… listened to my lullaby, tried to recite Psalm 119, counted numbers, prayed, and even started talking to myself. I eventually fell asleep but I think it took me a while. I could think of two reasons why I couldn't sleep. You know when you're tired and you miss your bedtime? You try to fall asleep afterwards but you just can't? I think I was like that yesterday. Unfortunately, I think I'm going through the same thing today… I was so tired during the day, but now I'm pretty awake. It sucks…:'( The second reason is because I got too excited about something. Let me share this exciting news with you!

It's confirmed that I will be going to Mexico this summer for a short term mission trip! As you know, I've been contemplating over several opportunities for the summer for some time now. I was able to finally make a decision yesterday! While thinking through and asking God why I should go on this trip, I thought about things that have happened to me over the past year. Strangely, it started to slowly make sense that perhaps it is God's plan for me to go to Mexico again. But this time, to go with more responsibilities. I will be going with a group of high-school students and a youth pastor.

I'm really thankful that I am able go back to Mexico this summer and serve with pastor Rolando. I'm thankful to go as a big sister in Christ and take more challenges that God has prepared for me. As much as I am excited, I am also worried to go to the mission field as one of the "leaders." I still lack so much wisdom and strength to be called a leader. However, I surely trust that if it is God who called me to go as a leader, He will provide me and equip me to be a good leader. I was disappointed to have found myself worrying when I've already experienced God's amazing grace last year in Guadalajara. Please keep me in your prayers as I prepare and embark on this exciting journey for God's glory in Mexico!

no.350 140415 Thank you for all the things that happened today

My dinner that I've been waiting for!! But, it wasn't as good as I remembered it to be.

I'm so thankful for many things today. So I decided to make a list.

-Thankful because God woke me up on the to go to early morning prayer

-Thankful for my prayer buddies who encouraged me to go to the prayer meeting

-Thankful for a friend who gave me a ride to the morning prayer and to work

-Thankful for letting me start my shift early rather than waiting for another hour

-Thankful for the opportunity to memorize some of Psalm 119

-Thankful for helping me stay awake during the day

-Thankful for the dinner and quality time with friends

-Thankful for keeping me warm in this crazy April snow

-Thankful for leading me to make a decision on where to go this summer (I will share it tomorrow!)

I know there is a lot more… but my brain is shutting down at the moment. I really hope I can wake up early again tomorrow.

no.349 140414 Thank you for helping me not to blame on something else but myself

Failed. I didn't wake up on time to go to the early morning prayer. I'm very disappointed in myself... I tried to blame on other things… how I couldn't fall asleep because it was earlier than my usual bedtime, how the multiple alarms I've set never went off (they probably did and I just turned them off without knowing) and how the fire alarm in the middle of the night disrupted my sleep. But in the end, there is really no one to blame on but myself! 

I'm gonna try it again tomorrow.

no.348 140413 Thank you for a friend's encouragement to pray

Another watercolour that I did when I was in elementary school

I'm trying to go to the early morning prayer again for the Passion Week. I hate waking up early, but one of my prayer buddies encouraged me by saying what Jesus went through this week is incomparable to anything I can ever imagine. Which is very true... Therefore, I'm going to try it again. I was able to do it earlier this year… I'm sure I can do it again. If the New Year's morning prayer was for me, I want this Passion Week prayer to be for God. I really want to focus on repenting.

Ahh… it's already almost midnight. I set my alarm at 5:10AM. Dear God, please help me wake up on time.

no.347 140412 Thank you for the childhood memory through a painting

My memory of Talofofo Falls in Guam

I found a pile of ripped off sketchbook paintings from a long time ago. These pantings were done when I was in elementary school. One of the paintings had a picture of a waterfall and people swimming in the water. The title of the work is "Talofofo Falls in Guam." I remember going to Guam one summer and I also have a memory of visiting that waterfall. There was an underground man-made cave, I believe, by a Japanese guy and apparently he lived there for many years. I just looked it up, and it is recorded that he lived in the cave for 28 years because he was unaware of the end of the World War II. Now that I re-read about this history, it's quite intriguing. If you're curious, his name is Soichi Yokoi - a Japanese sergeant.

Anyways, I think I went in the water, and even underneath the falls because there was a myth that if you go under the falls, you will grow taller or something. Well, I realized that the myth was only a myth… because I'm not tall at all.

My mom and I are having so much fun tonight. She found a box of her old memories as well. It's a box of letters and cards she received from her friends from elementary, middle school and in university. We are sharing laughters as she shares her childhood memories with me.

no.346 140411 Thank you for the first bike ride of the year

Biking!

All I had in mind while working was "I'm gonna go home, and get my bike out for a ride." As soon as I got home, I searched for my baseball cap, got changed, got my keys and went downstairs to get my bike from the rack. I was so excited that I forgot the fact that the dust piled up and the bike needed some cleaning. I was in a rush because it was already 7PM by the time I got home from work, and the sun was about to go down.

When I started pedaling, I could feel the chilly breeze. Soon after, I found myself actually freezing… and I realized that it might be still too early for biking. Nevertheless, I enjoyed my first bike ride of the year. I surely hope that the temperature will go up a little bit more so I can take out my bike more often.

no.345 140410 Thank you for the greatest proposal

Where I got proposed:)

Recently, I've been in a couple of conversations with friends about marriage proposals. I was asked what my ideal proposal would be. Although I have wondered and thought about this special occasion, but I realized that I didn't have an idea of the "perfect proposal" per se. I think I'll be happy, as long as there is just the two of us - nothing public for sure, and if it's something meaningful to both of us. One more thing, no rose petal or candle walkways.. that's not my thing. Oh, and there is one song that I want my future husband to sing to me on guitar when he's proposing… but it doesn't necessarily have to be done when he's proposing hehe. Actually, now that I think about it, I can recall one moment that I thought it would be the perfect moment to get proposed. Come to think of it, it may not sound so special to many. However, it was super special to me. At that moment, I felt like I had everything… which is true in a way. 

It was last year, when I was in Mexico. It was the second last night of my short term mission trip. Only a half day of ministry was remaining, and the team was ready to relax on the beach. Because we were away from Guadalajara, our team spent the night at the mango farm which had a pretty big swimming pool (it was more like a large community bathtub for us!). I couldn't sleep that night just as any other nights in Mexico because of all the excitement or my sensitive personality. Before trying to attempt to fall asleep, I came out to the pool and lied on one of the beach chairs. The sky was so clear, I could see the milky way. I started talking to God as I reflected on the past 8 days in Guadalajara. I've experienced a combination of God's love, blessing and greatness all at once. He's also opened up my eyes to see through Jesus' eyes. What I learned and felt in Mexico is indescribable. After thanking God for everything He's done and shown me during my mission trip, I began listening to my playlist on my phone.

There are two songs I remember listening to that night at the mango farm. Chris Tomlin's Indescribable was the first one, and the second one is the song that I want to hear my future husband sing for me. I thought about sharing it on my blog… but I figure it's better that I wait for now:) Anyways, I think the reason I felt that moment would be the perfect moment to get proposed was because I listened to my "proposal" song. But, I definitely don't want my future husband to do that while we are on a mission trip together or something, because then he can't focus on the mission trip itself. Well, I guess in a way, it was a proposal after all because I experienced the greatest love.  Perhaps I've experienced the most awesome proposal of all - God poured out His love for me. "You see the depths of my heart, and You love me the same" - this is my favourite line from "Indescribable". God is amazing. 

no.344 130409 Thank you for the unexpected encounter

Chatime is great, but still my favourite is grape bubble tea from here!

Do not conform to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. 

Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -
his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:2

I was having dinner alone at a cafeteria, and there I had an unexpected encounter. I was having my pasta and reading an article on my phone until I noticed someone sit in front of me.

I looked up in curiosity and a little bit of fear, but I soon realized that I didn't have to worry about anything. He was a friend from my church, and he was on his way to grab something to eat. We were just talking and I shared with him about my dilemma - not having a clear answer for the summer. Talking to him helped me with my decision making. The purpose behind a mission trip shouldn't be for the sake of my own growth. What's most important is to first find out what God is already doing in the mission field, and what I can do to help fulfill God's vision for that land.

I'll be still praying about it until the end of the week.

no.343 140408 Thank you for an overdue catch-up session with a friend

Georgetown cupcakes from NYC, 2012.

Seriously. It's been way too long.

It's been exactly a year since the last time I met her. She is my university friend, and we finally met up for dinner. We realized that we were neighbours this whole time. She literally lives across the street from me. I'm glad that she is doing well. We are planning to see each other a bit more often… definitely  hoping to see her before next year around this time!

I just found out that she's planning to buy a bike! I made a suggestion that we'd go biking once the weather gets a little bit warmer! I've been constantly checking the weather to see when I can take my bike out for the first time this year. Over the past week, I've been seeing some people with their bikes on the streets. It's warm for sure, but I'm still waiting for it to hit the double digits!

Other than that, the application for the non-profit organization that I've been anticipating finally got released today. Oh man, oh man. I gotta make a decision soon, because the deadline is approaching for both this project and for a short term to Mexico. Ahhh, I can't really can't decide. I was pretty certain that I was going back to Mexico this summer, but seeing the application post on the non-profit organization today made me think twice. I thought about it over and over, and prayed about it many times. It seems right that I go back to Guadalajara, but it also seems valid to go to Africa. Where to? Where will God send me this summer? I kept asking God, and I'm not getting a clear answer from Him. Regardless, I need renew my passport first if I wanna go!

no.342 140407 Thank you for giving me the energy

Rainbow m&ms from NYC, 2012

I am sick.

My throat's been hurting since last night, and I wasn't able to sleep because of my sore throat. Another thing was that I couldn't fall asleep. I tried so hard to fall asleep - got my heat pack warmed up, put my soft and comfy pjs, and wrapped my body in my blanket just the way I like it. It seemed like nothing was working. I was so frustrated, and I was getting worried that I will be having a hard time waking up this morning.  I'm surprised that I didn't feel too tired today. In fact, I woke up fine. Still, I took medication three times today after each meal, and almost finished a pack of halls. Although the sore throat is still there, I'm thankful that I was pretty full of energy.

no.341 140406 Thank you for Your grace and mercy

Waiting for spring to come. Spring, 2010

One of my favourite parts of the service the praise time, when we worship God with our voices. As I was singing along to the songs, one song really captured my heart today. It's called "Unashamed" by Starfield.

As the lyrics goes, I am so unworthy to call upon God's name, because of my sinful nature. It is through  Jesus's death, I can call God Abba Father. I am reminded of God's love and grace that He poured upon me through this song. I am reminded that I must find my self-worth in God alone, and nothing else. I think I found myself hard to say that I am unashamed before God almighty. Who am I to call myself unashamed? I am constantly sinning knowingly and unknowingly, and many times I forget to repent. Still, when I realize what I've done wrong and come before the cross, God still so lovingly forgives me. It's amazing that the numerous times I failed Him because of my selfishness, our heavenly Father still wants to listens to us, and wants to love us. God doesn't need me, but He still chooses to love me and calls me His child.

How can God love such a selfish, sinful person like me? Why does He choose to love me? He didn't have to, but He sent His only Son to save me and you. Why did He make such a sacrifice? I'm so thankful however, it makes me angry because I know that I don't deserve His love. Have you ever been angry at injustice? I think that's how I feel right now. It's so unfair to God since I'm the one who sinned, but God sent Jesus to take my cross and to die in my place. At the same time, I understand that's how much He loves me. That's the greatest love that anyone can ever know. It's God's love for you and me. 

Starfield - Unashamed

I have not much to offer You

Not near what You deserve

But still I come because Your cross

Has placed in me my worth

Oh, Christ my King of sympathy

Whose wounds secure my peace

Your grace extends to call me friend

Your mercy sets me free

I can't explain this kind of love

I'm humbled and amazed

That You'd come down from heavens heights

And greet me face to face

And I know I'm weak, I know I'm unworthy

To call upon Your name

But because of grace, because of Your mercy

I stand here unashamed

Here I am at Your feet
In my brokenness complete

no.340 140405 Thank you for my past experience to encourage others

Waiting for spring to come. Spring, 2010

We have a meeting almost every two months at the preschool department at my church. This morning, we met up to talk about upcoming Passion week and Easter, and other administrative things. We began by having some individual time of prayer, and also a devotional time in groups. I really enjoyed both. For the prayer time, we were to reflect on the last 24 hours and pray to God about what we are thankful for, how God has been working around us, and the sins that we had to repent. Although I've been pretty good with the first one through my daily blogging, I realized that I don't really pay attention to the other two. Most of my prayers were reflected based on the documentary I saw last night.

After the time of prayer, we took some time to read a section of Psalm 119.

Do good to your servant according to your word, Lord.

Teach me knowledge and good judgement, for I trust your commands.

Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word.

You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees.

Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies, I keep your precepts with all my heart.

Their hearts are callous and unfeeling, but I delight in your law. 

It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.

The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.

Psalm 119:65-72 (Teth)

It made me think about the hard times in my life, when I just couldn't understand what was happening, and why it was happening to me. I questioned God many times. I was heartbroken, hurt, and doubting God all at the same time. After a while, God helped me to recover from the suffering and gave me peace in my heart again. Still, I couldn't understand why those things happened to me. Now that it's been a few years, I am thankful for what I went through. And I think I sort of understand why God did what He did a few years back. I never knew such a day would come, that I would actually praise God for that specific event in my life. Because of this one experience, whenever another affliction came along, I was able to trust God even though I didn't understand why those "bad things" were happening. In fact, they just seem "bad" in my human eyes. In God's perfect plan, these troubles we experience help us to be more like Jesus, growing in wisdom as we seek to depend on God.

I'm thankful because I was able to share my experiences with my co-teachers who serve at the preschool ministry. I'm thankful that my experiences and testimonies can be shared with other people, and that God uses them to encourage others. It makes me encouraged knowing that my experiences didn't happen for no reason. Just like the Psalmist, I can say that "it was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees." The struggles we go through are God's blessings, because it may seem, in our eyes, that we are suffering at the moment, but when we seek to God first, and trust in Him alone, He will provide wisdom and strength to go through the hardships. God is moulding us to be more like Jesus through the afflictions.

no.339 140404 Thank you for the opportunity to watch a documentary

Mommy and her baby, 2011

I got to watch a documentary called "Nefarious: Merchant of Souls." My church was showing this documentary about a month ago, but I wasn't able to make it because of other plans. However, I got a chance to see it today through another gathering hosted by my church.

I didn't know what to expect. I was just thrown off today. There were many parts that made me think "is this really happening?", but one of the most shocking things was to discover what the mothers and the families of these prostitutes were doing and saying. In East Asia such as Thailand or Cambodia, when a daughter is born, the mothers are considered as if they just won a jackpot. The reason for this is because they can now sell their daughter for prostitution, and get the money to support the family from the poverty. What's more crazy is that, they are not as "poor" as they say. What they mean "poor" is with a flat screen TV, a cell phone, and packs of cigarettes to smoke all day long. I was shocked to see fathers and other men smoking and drinking day and night when they could be working and earn money for the family. Do they not realize what their daughters are doing to provide her parents' "leisure life"? What was even more shocking to me was the mothers. The Christian organization who tries to help theses girls free from the red light district was able to release three girls. All they needed was to get the approval from the mothers to finally set them free from the life of hell. What did the mothers do? They didn't approve their daughter's freedom, so the girls were sent back to sell their bodies. What kind of mother is she? I'm not married and I don't have children, but just by imagining that I have a daughter, I don't think I can even think about doing a such thing. Even if they are that desperate for money to buy food, was selling your daughter really considered even an option? I don't think so.

Another thing was the pain and the heartache that these women go through. Up until I watched this film, I thought of prostitutes as girls who are out of their minds, just selling their bodies because they are desperate for money… as if it was by choice. I found out that human trafficking in many of the countries is an organized crime. I hate how they aim for orphans because they know that no one really "cares" when they go missing. Many of the girls are orphans who are abducted or they were mislead by people who offered them a "job", which turned out to be a prostitution. It is very scary and disturbing, but this is still happening around the world, especially in Eastern Europe.

It seems that there are many organizations who help these young women to get out of prostitution and to live a new life. However, it seems like getting them out is one thing, and having them stay is another.  It's hard to believe that some girls still chooses go back even after undergoing a restoration program. They are used to that kind of living - despite the fear and hatred of what they did, those girls still went back. On the other hand, there are girls who have changed completely. They have moved on from their past into a whole new world. They have met Jesus, and they are forgiven. They now choose to live a different lifestyle from before. They were broken, felt worthless, hurt, hopeless and lost. They are now found and loved by God, who is love and who shows you the greatest love of all through Jesus. It was amazing to see how God works in these girls' lives. Although some chose to go back to prostitution, those who've met and experienced Jesus were born again to live a new life.

I guess the important question is, where do I go from here? What can I do to help these women who are chained to sex slavery? It was heartbreaking to see this documentary, but I'm thankful for the opportunity. It was definitely eye-opening, and it has given me how bad prostitution is around the world, and what the prostitutes really feel. I never imagined that I'll be praying for prostitutes, but God is moving me to pray for them tonight. I pray that God will continue to use the organizations to help those women not only escape prostitution, but to heal them physically, mentally and spiritually. I pray that above all, that God will reach out to them to make their sins known to them. I pray that they will confess before God and come to know Him, receive forgiveness and to experience His overflowing love for them.

no.338 140403 Thank you for the drive around the town

HongKong egg cakes?

I went for a little drive around the town before I met up with a friend of mine. I never thought I'd enjoy driving when I started learning how to drive, but now that I'm pretty confident, I actually like going for a ride. Especially now that the weather is warmer and most of snow has melted, it definitely puts me in a driving mode. Speaking of driving, I need to get my G this summer. The G level is the full license in Ontario. I was thinking about getting my G last summer, but I didn't get enough practice on the highway. I must take the test before it expires… which is next summer, but still. Who knows where I will be? I gotta do it while I have the time and while I'm still in Toronto!

no.337 140402 Thank you for encouraging me to pray through "Pray like Jesus"

"I"

After I finished blogging last night, I purposely took some time to read my Bible and to pray. I started reading Psalm 119 since last week, so I continued on even though it only lasted 10 minutes. I've been having a hard time focusing on God's word, and sadly, yesterday was not any different. However, I took some decent time to talk to God. I think listening to pastor Mark Driscoll's sermon on prayer "Pray like Jesus" encouraged me to have that time with God again.

I began with thanksgiving prayer, and moved on to confession. Repentance is probably the hardest part of my prayer life. It's not that I'm trying to hide my sins from omniscient God, because even before I open my mouth to confess, He already knows what I'm about to say. I tend to go in so much detail about describing my problems and worries, but I fail to explain about my sins. Most of the time, I pretty much say "dear God, I have done this wrong, please forgive me" and that would be it. It's horrible eh? There are other times when I forget what I've done wrong and therefore, I can't (or choose not to) confess. However, I'm thankful that I was able to come before God about my sins. And then I talked to God about Mexico and the memories from last year rushed back to me, and I started to thank God again for all the amazing things that He's done and shown me when I was in Mexico. As I was thanking Him, I got so overjoyed and also got extremely excited about the possibility of this year's trip that I couldn't fall asleep. Yeah.. I couldn't sleep at the thought of going back to Guadalajara to experience God's greatness all over again.

I wanted to share one more thing about prayer with you. Consider this. Let's say you've been praying for someone or about something for some time now. Suddenly, you stop praying for him, or about something. Doesn't that mean you've given up on him or given up something? When I heard pastor Mark say this, I knew exactly what he was trying to say. In one of my blog entries, I've shared that one of the best things you could do for someone who you love is to pray for them. So if you stop praying for him, then it just means that you stopped loving him. Or, according to pastor Mark, we could say that you've given him up. That motivated me to pray again. For the people around me, and for things that I've been praying about. Because I'm not gonna give up on them.

no.336 140401 Thank you for the delivery pizza

So much for "drizzling" the BBQ sauce

In my family, we hardly ever do delivery. If we don't feel like cooking or don't feel like sitting down at a restaurant, we do pick-ups. I guess another reason that we don't order-in is that there aren't that many options in Toronto. One food that we get delivered is always pizza. And yes, we had delivery pizza today.

My mom and I were doing a portion of the spring cleaning, and we had no energy to cook. I asked my mom if I should go pick up some food and she didn't even want to do that. So I quickly looked up the phone number for pizza and placed an order.

Although I wasn't completely satisfied with the order as I asked them to "drizzle" the BBQ sauce, and I received a pizza soaked in the sauce… I should've known better when they asked me what I mean by adding BBQ sauce. When the guy was taking my order, he asked me if I wanted to replace the tomato sauce with BBQ! I was so confused whether people actually do that… because I love tomato sauce. Regardless, the pizza I ordered came and it still tasted fine with all the sauce on top. I'm thankful that we have an option of having food delivered to my place when we couldn't cook.