151031 Thank you for being my healer

Alone.

When I was outside, I wasn't feeling too well. It was hard for me to drive so I had to park my car somewhere to just calm down for some time. Something had happened and I felt hurt, I felt embarrassed, I felt upset, I felt mistreated, I felt resentful, I felt frustrated, I felt angry and I felt defeated. It was a combination of all the bad and negative feelings that one could possibly feel. It was too much for me to handle. I didn't know what to do. At first, I was crying out loud. Then I was wondering why I was crying. I felt stupid that something like this was easily bothering me. I felt like I was wasting my energy on things that I can just forget about and move on. Then I was sitting in silence. I had to clear my mind and my heart. Then I felt like giving up. I felt like there's no point of trying on something that doesn't even work. I was in despair. So I prayed to God expressing these things that were going on. 

After I pulled myself back again, I started driving again. My playlist automatically turns on when I start the car engine. And soon after, I heard these words:

"Be still, there is a healer

His love is deeper than the sea

His mercy, it is unfailing

His arms are fortress for the weak."

As soon as I realized what the lyrics was saying, it brought tears to my eyes. I can be still even at times like this because there is a healer. And He loves me so much and even though everyone might turn their backs to me and even though I may be left alone and rejected, I know that God always loves me. I was hopeful because of this truth. His love is all I need and His love is the best. I don't need anything else. 

I got home, and I tried to distract myself from keep thinking negatively about what had happened. I wanted to keep my mind off the situation. I tried to read the Bible and it wasn't really working. I then watched a funny show. It may have been good while I was watching it, but I felt so empty afterwards. I felt like I just wasted my time. That's when I was reminded how I need to find comfort in God alone. All the comfort that the world offers, it's only temporary. But the rest that God gives is peace.

I want to share this song with you as well. It's called "I Lift My Hands" by Chris Tomlin. I love this song, and I sing it out loud whenever it plays on my playlist. But the first part of the lyrics never really stood out to me until today. I hope that this song will also help you seek God, knowing that He is the healer, refuge, strength, comforter and peace. 

I Lift My Hands - Chris Tomlin

Be still, there is a healer

His love is deeper than the sea

His mercy, it is unfailing

His arms are fortress for the weak

Let faith arise

Let faith arise

I lift my hands to believe again

You are my refuge, You are my strength

As I pour out my heart

These things, I remember

You are faithful, God, forever

Be still, there is a river

That flows from Calvary's tree

A fountain for the thirsty

Pure grace that washes over me

Let faith arise

Let faith arise

I lift my hands to believe again

You are my refuge, You are my strength

As I pour out my heart

These things, I remember

You are faithful, God, forever

no.490 140903 Thank you for calling me to give me rest

A souvenir from Guadalajara

I was burdened last night and had a difficult time due to something that happened earlier this week. I was angry, upset and ashamed. I just couldn't get over what happened and how I felt about it. I know it wasn't enough, but I kept on apologizing to God because there wasn't anything else that I could do at the time. However, the Holy Spirit moved me and I felt God embracing me and telling me that He still loves me no matter what. Only then I was able to find peace and was able to go to sleep.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, 

and you will find rest for your souls. 

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

I woke up to these verses in Matthew chapter 11. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" - I knew that God was calling me to come to Him to find rest by obeying Him. God has been constantly telling me to obey Him in every area of my life but I know that I haven't been doing a good job lately. I just want to take some time to ask for God's forgiveness and ask for wisdom as I take some time to pray about what I should do in regards to this situation.

no.313 140309 Thank you for being with me

Maybe I just need a box of macaroons… :)

For some reason, I feel so empty, lonely, weak and so out of the place… right now. Maybe this weather is too depressing. Maybe I just feel extra tired because of the daylight savings. I didn't want to find rest in anything else but God, so I prayed and even journaled before writing my blog. And I still don't feel good. I know this feeling will eventually go away but it's not going anywhere at the moment. Still, I know that God is with me at this very moment, and I'm very thankful for that.

There is a remedy for the sad, feeling low days for me. Please don't judge me, but I like to watch a sad movie and cry. I have a go-to movie called "A Moment to Remember." It's one of my favourite Korean movies, partly because I like the actor and because his occupation in the movie is a dream job for my future husband. But mostly because of his overflowing love for his wife. You'll see what I mean when you watch the movie. There are movies that are way more sad than this but it became my "go-to" movie. Anyways, I was thinking about watching it but it's already past eleven, and I got to wake up early for bowling tomorrow morning.

no.213 131129 Thank you for letting me find rest in You

Salt & pepper shaker

Its just past 9PM and I am exhausted. I need to wash up and sleep soon because I have another long day ahead of me tomorrow. I'm thankful that I am seeking to rest in God above everything when I'm fatigue. I was physically and mentally tired from all the stress at work. Taking the subway home, I was able to see the sun about to set, something I refer to as the "vanilla sky" was happening in front of me. It was just beautiful and I felt God embracing me. And when I walked out the station, I saw the sky crystal clear... I could see some of the winter stars. It was cold walking home, but it was a sweet moment. I was able to forget about all the stress from work at that time.