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| Alone. |
When I was outside, I wasn't feeling too well. It was hard for me to drive so I had to park my car somewhere to just calm down for some time. Something had happened and I felt hurt, I felt embarrassed, I felt upset, I felt mistreated, I felt resentful, I felt frustrated, I felt angry and I felt defeated. It was a combination of all the bad and negative feelings that one could possibly feel. It was too much for me to handle. I didn't know what to do. At first, I was crying out loud. Then I was wondering why I was crying. I felt stupid that something like this was easily bothering me. I felt like I was wasting my energy on things that I can just forget about and move on. Then I was sitting in silence. I had to clear my mind and my heart. Then I felt like giving up. I felt like there's no point of trying on something that doesn't even work. I was in despair. So I prayed to God expressing these things that were going on.
After I pulled myself back again, I started driving again. My playlist automatically turns on when I start the car engine. And soon after, I heard these words:
"Be still, there is a healer
His love is deeper than the sea
His mercy, it is unfailing
His arms are fortress for the weak."
As soon as I realized what the lyrics was saying, it brought tears to my eyes. I can be still even at times like this because there is a healer. And He loves me so much and even though everyone might turn their backs to me and even though I may be left alone and rejected, I know that God always loves me. I was hopeful because of this truth. His love is all I need and His love is the best. I don't need anything else.
I got home, and I tried to distract myself from keep thinking negatively about what had happened. I wanted to keep my mind off the situation. I tried to read the Bible and it wasn't really working. I then watched a funny show. It may have been good while I was watching it, but I felt so empty afterwards. I felt like I just wasted my time. That's when I was reminded how I need to find comfort in God alone. All the comfort that the world offers, it's only temporary. But the rest that God gives is peace.
I want to share this song with you as well. It's called "I Lift My Hands" by Chris Tomlin. I love this song, and I sing it out loud whenever it plays on my playlist. But the first part of the lyrics never really stood out to me until today. I hope that this song will also help you seek God, knowing that He is the healer, refuge, strength, comforter and peace.
I Lift My Hands - Chris Tomlin
Be still, there is a healer
His love is deeper than the sea
His mercy, it is unfailing
His arms are fortress for the weak
Let faith arise
Let faith arise
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart
These things, I remember
You are faithful, God, forever
Be still, there is a river
That flows from Calvary's tree
A fountain for the thirsty
Pure grace that washes over me
Let faith arise
Let faith arise
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart
These things, I remember
You are faithful, God, forever
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