160311 Thank you for the movie "The Little Prince"

"On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux"

Le Petit Prince.

It's my favourite book and my favourite character. Sadly, I realized that I don't know the book from cover to cover - if I claim that this is my favourite book, then I should know, right? Again, sadly, the last time I read this book was... probably in high school, if I'm remembering it correctly.

Mr. K gave me this book in English version as a gift a couple of years ago. Until then, I did not know that I had never read this book in English! My first encounter with this book was in Korean, as it is my first language. Then, I read it for my French class in high school - it helped me greatly that I owned a copy in Korean. I started reading this book again at the time when Mr. K got it for me. But, I couldn't focus on it as I used to, and I ended up reading 1/3? 1/4? of it. Soon after, it went to my bookshelf... until today happened (note to Mr. K - don't get upset! hehe).

Mr. K took me on a surprise movie date today to watch "The Little Prince," and today was apparently the premiere of the movie! I had no idea. Both of us enjoyed the movie very much, and we had a good date together.

I strongly suggest that you watch it too! But, it would be better if you read the book first, if you haven't. Even if you read it, it would be nice to refresh your memories before you go watch the movie. So, I've been reading it ever since I got home, and I just have a couple more chapters to go.

I wonder what I got out of the book when I was reading it in high school, and the very first time I read it. I wonder if it was in elementary school or middle school that I read this book for the first time. Oh yes, one thing that I remember is that back in high school, I thought that this story was romantic. Especially the part where the fox and the little prince meet and converse. Also, with the whole idea about the rose and the star. I won't say much, because I don't want to ruin this book if any of you have not read it yet.  As I was reading the book today, I am realizing the things I probably had not thought about back then. Even if I did know what the book was referring to before, the way I understand it now is different, reading as a "grown-up." I realize that I too, was living my life as a "grown-up" at times. Especially in chapter 22, where the little prince encounters the signalman was the part that allowed me to reflect at my life and it kind of saddened me.

I'm gonna go back to my reading and finish the book before I go to bed. I'm thankful for the fun day Mr. K and I had together, and also for this opportunity to read this book again - for both of us.

160305 Thank you for the joy that gives me hope

:)

There are times when I feel lonely. It feels like everyone, even the ones nearest to me turn their backs to me. I feel like I don't have anywhere to go, or anyone to turn to. I feel it even more when I'm home alone. For the past couple of days, I've been home alone. That also means that I have to eat alone.

I usually don't mind being alone as I'm an introvert and I need some time to myself, but at times like this, eating alone makes me feel even lonelier. I don't know since when, but I started to eat in front of a monitor when I'm eating alone. And I think this is bad because it doesn't allow me to enjoy what I'm eating because my mind is focused on the show. I recall doing this a few years ago, when I had a TV. There was a time that I lived by myself. I hated walking into a pitch dark, and silent home after work.  I was always starving by the time I got home, and I rushed to make myself some dinner, and while I do that, I also prepared the next day's lunch. Once the dinner was ready, it was my routine to turn on the TV and mindlessly watch "The Office" or "Big Bang Theory" as I eat. At the time, it was funny as I watched those shows. But as soon as it was done - the TV show, my meal, and cleaning, the loneliness rushed in once again. Most of the time, I was too tired to feel lonely or think that I am lonely. Anyways, I don't know since when but eating in front of a monitor became a habit, when I'm eating alone.

One of the things I realized that I started doing when I feel lonely is to flip through the photos of the kids from Cambodia. I know it's so random, and maybe some people might find it creepy, but when I look at the photos of the children, it takes me back to Cambodia. It was one of the best moments of my life that I cherish and choose to remember. I was happy. But I was also joyful. Not just because of these kids who brought me smiles, but because I was in tune with God.

Since December or so, I've been feeling that my spiritual life has been rather dry. Thankfully, it's getting better because I've been noticing some positive changes in how I do my devo for the past couple of weeks. I've been reading a book called "Prayer" by Tim Keller with my mentor for some time now, and it's been very helpful to both my mentor and myself. At the end of every chapter, we have been looking for practical ways to apply what we've learned in our lives. I trust that God is using this book to help me get back on track, so that I can be in tune with God again.

Around the time I started my blog, there was so much joy in me. I think I can confidently say that I was a thankful person back then. Unfortunately, things are a bit different now, and I am no longer that thankful person that I used to be. There is no joy in me. Yes, I have days when I feel happy and things give me laughter. But the true joy that I felt deep inside my heart is really hard to find. I think the last time I was so overwhelmed by joy was back in Cambodia and a month or two after Cambodia. Maybe that's why I keep looking back to Cambodia, in order to get a glimpse of this pure joy that I experienced. I know that God desires me to have this joy again, and I'm gonna do my best, with God's help, to be the person I was before.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 

because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4

We, as Christians, are also to take it as pure joy when we face trials. Maybe this loneliness that I'm going through is also a trial of many kinds, as it is written in James. I'm currently discouraged in many ways but maybe God is telling me to persevere during this time. I'm not sure if I can at the moment, and to be honest, I don't want to. But I know that this is what God wants me to, and I have to trust God and lean on Him for his guidance.

160228 Thank you for the good family memories

Jeju Island, 2007

It was Mr. K's grandpa's birthday dinner tonight. It reminded me of my grandpa and my family. When was the last time I celebrated his birthday with him? Honestly speaking, I don't even know when his birthday was. I guess, even if I knew his birthday, the best I could do is to call him and wish him happy birthday. I know even just little and simple thing as a phone call would've made my grandpa happy.

Although I don't know Mr. K's family that well yet, it was nice to be in a family gathering because all my relatives live in Korea. Even if I want to go to a family gathering, there's no way of going unless I fly all the way there. I realize how much I miss those family dinners we had when I was young. I remember my family going over to my grandparent's house (my dad's side) every Sunday after church. My gomo's family and my uncle's family would also come over and we would either eat at home together, or go out to eat. I remember asking my grandma for 1000won (equivalent to $1) so that I can get a snack (usually super junk food) right across the street from her house. There were 5 of us - my sister, my three cousins and myself, so we each got 1000won to spend. If we were lucky, sometimes my grandma would let us rent a video from the small video store next to the convenience store. I think the video rentals were also about 1000won or maybe even less. We probably watched Power Rangers or Jjang-gu, if I remember correctly.

I think my grandpa put his arms around my grandma, after I told them to look more friendly in the picture.
 My grandma then awkwardly laughed.

My grandparents were the only ones who lived in a house, so it was fun to spend time there. Going up and down the stairs, playing in the rooms upstairs where my dad, my aunt and my uncle used to live, and playing in the yard with the flowers that my grandpa planted and took care of. All those were some of the memories I can recall from my childhood.

And there are memories from the time when I visited Korea. The first time I got to stay in Korea for a month or two was in 2007, when I was in university. That allowed me to go on a overnight trip with my relatives. That summer, I went to Korea with my sister and we were lucky to go to Jeju island with my grandparents and my gomo's family. My dad's side family is pretty weird and hilarious (mostly my grandma and my gomo, sometimes my grandpa too), so we have numerous unforgettable memories. This trip to Jeju, there were several incidences and as I write this entry, it brings me laughter thinking about all the things that happened during this trip. 

In the end, they were both smiling and I was able to get a cute picture of them:)

My grandpa is no longer here with us. But my grandma is. My grandparents from my mom's side are. All my cousins, aunts and uncles are still here with us, although they may all be living in Korea. I also have Mr. K's family and his relatives, who live nearer than my own relatives. I'm thankful for the memories that I already made in the past, and for the ones that I will make in the future.

160206 Thank you for the first Meeting House

Are my jade plants growing or dying?

This week was the launch of the Meeting House (MH). It is a new ministry in the Hi-C congregation of my church, where the students meet in small groups, and meet on a biweekly basis. It's pretty much the same as life groups which I'm a part of. I am co-leading a group of 6 girls from grade 7-9. Today was the first day for my group to meet. 

I was excited for our group to meet, especially hearing from others on how great their first meetings have been. I'm not completely sure why but I was not in a good mood today and this made me not to look forward to it as I was getting ready for the MH. However, things changed as I met the students and started our meeting. 

It was a little awkward, students were little shy and reserved as it is usually the case in first meetings. Although it was only introductory, I see how much these girls will grow together in a small community that we just established. As we have shared on what we expect and in which areas we want to grow from now until June, I hope and pray that we will keep each other accountable to make this happen. As for me, what I hope to do for the next 5 months or so is to take them as my disciples and to genuinely care and pray for these girls, and get to know them deeply.

160128 Thank you for the jasmine flowers

Jasmine flower from the orphanage

I love the smell of the jasmine. But I've never seen or smelled a real jasmine flower before. I've only smelled it from tea or body lotion and fell in love with the beautiful scent. It's only last year that I came to know what it really looks like. It's strange that I was never too curious about what this beautifully scented flower might look like.

There was a flower bush in Cambodia in front of the orphanage that smelled really good - it smelled like jasmine. However, I didn't know what it was because the children were telling me the Cambodian name of the flower. So I just thought it must be some local flower with a good scent that smelled kinda like jasmine. For the entire week that I was staying at the orphanage, I just enjoyed its smell and never questioned if that might in fact be jasmine. Only once when I came back home, I started to wonder if that bush really was jasmine. I suddenly got excited and looked up "jasmine flowers."

This took me back to the time I was in Cambodia. I loved the smell of jasmine flowers brought by the breeze. It also reminded me of the conversation I had with one of the kids at the orphanage. I was walking around the garden, smelling various flowers to see where the smell had been coming from. When I got near to this flower, I was so excited that I finally found the source of the smell. I stuck my nose in the flower and inhaled as much as I can to remember its scent. Then one boy came to me to see what I'm up to. I shared how much I loved the smell. He started to pick all the blossomed flowers one by one. When he brought the flowers to me, his hands were full of these white jasmine flowers. I told him that he didn't have to pick all the flowers, I'm happy with one to keep as a souvenir. In response, he said that more will bloom tomorrow, whereas I'm only there for one more day so I should take all of them.

Out of all the flowers the boy picked for me, I only kept two in my Bible. The scent is barely there anymore, but I still stick my nose in my Bible, whenever I miss Cambodia.

Speaking of Cambodia, I couldn't fall asleep last night because I was thinking about Cambodia. The fact that there is an opportunity for me to return this summer got me excited. I know it's still a long time ahead, and I don't know what my situation will be like in the summer. However, I trust that if God wants me to go again this year, He will show me and make a way for me. So I'll be praying in the mean time and trust God.