151125 Thank you for the dream I had

Probably an hour or two before our team left the orphanage.

In my dream, I was in Cambodia. Actually, it may not have been Cambodia. All I remember is seeing some of the children again. Sometimes, the things that I think about the most or the last few things that I think about or see before I go to bed, comes to life in my dream. For instance, last night I was on Facebook to check something, and a picture at the top of my news feed caught my attention. It was posted by an English teacher at the orphanage. It was the most current pictures of herself, other teachers and some of the kids. It was so good to see those familiar faces. I couldn't believe my eyes because the children seemed like they grew so much since the time I saw them! It's only been a few months and they've already grown that much. I wonder how much they will be changed the next time I visit them.

God must know how much I miss these children and Cambodia, that He lets me meet them in my dreams. I'm happy that I got to see them even it was just a dream. I'm gonna take it as a sign that I will meet them again. It reminds me of some of my last memories of the orphanage. We had some free time in the evening right before we left the orphanage. We had brought sparklers, and we couldn't find a good time to use that because the kids were always in bed when the sun was down. The last evening was perfect for sparklers, as the children's bedtime was being delayed due to our team's departure. The children had so much fun with those sparklers. I remember regretting not buying more. It was very short so there was a bit of sadness, but while the sparklers were sparkling, all of us had fun. It felt like my time in Cambodia - I had an amazing time but it was short and there were some sadness and regrets as I was looking back the couple of weeks I spent there.

After all the fun, some of the children came up to me and told me not to forget them, and even posed against a wall so that I can take a photo of them for my memory. It's so sad to be forgotten, but pain or the hurt of being forgotten to them might be even stronger to them, as most of them probably went through some sort of being abandoned or forgotten by their family and friends, from their past. To some, they might even fear it I wonder. Some of the children asked me and the team members if we were to return next year or some time in the near future. I was told to never promise anything unless I mean it with these kids, because they will take my word for it and if I don't keep it, they will hold a grudge on me. Someone had taught me to say "see you, when I see you," and "see you, when you see me," so that nothing is promised. Before the last day, I kept reminding myself not to promise them, but when the time finally came, it was much harder than I thought. So, did I make a promise? Yes, I did. Not because I was forced to, or because I was moved or because I pitied these children, but because I felt like I was gonna return. I couldn't, and I didn't promise when I will be back, but I said sometime in the future I will return to Cambodia, and to the orphanage to see them again.

I still remember one child chasing after the van that our team was in, calling my name and saying good bye. I think that was one of my fondest memories of Cambodia.