150618 Thank you for inviting me to go on missions

"But because I knew God and had the privilege to worship Him, to "talk of all His wondrous love and care," I was thankful for every day I answered that prison roll call, for every day I was still alive."

-From Barnabas Mam's Church Behind the Wire

Are you surprised?
I hope it was a pleasant surprise.
I've been away from my blog for the longest time I think... and I thought I would post something new today because there's something I'd like to share.

I am going to Cambodia this summer for a short term mission trip with my church. In preparation for the missions, our team is reading a book called "Church Behind the Wire" by Barnabas Mam. Barnabas is one of 200 Christians who survived Killing Fields during Khmer Rouge regime in Cambodia in the 70s. The book is his testimony of how he became a Christian from a Buddhist and a communist. His conversion story is a miracle, but how he survived the Killing Fields is also a miracle as Barnabas worshiped God day after day while he was imprisoned. I just started reading the book, so I don't know the whole story yet. However, I'm already impacted by Barnabas' story. It's almost a shock to me to see how Barnabas was able to praise God and to be thankful for every day in the midst of the torture and what he had to go through during his imprisonment. It makes me angry at myself for not being able to do the same, especially when I'm no where near being persecuted. My lack of knowledge and interest to know this sad history of Cambodia make me frustrated as well. This country is so close to my motherland... and this happened when my parents were young. This is not too long ago. It's been less than 50 years ago that this happened. It is so shocking to know that the world didn't respond to Cambodia right away. I don't know much about the history (and I'm no historian) so I can't say anything confidently, but based on what I read so far it seems like the world wasn't actively helping.

I'm really torn and burdened by the victims from the Khmer Rouge genocide. When I first looked into this history, I deeply grieved and was speechless. However, after seeing some pictures of the Killing Frields Museum and of the victims, it's pushing my emotions to another level. I think I'm gonna have a hard time falling asleep tonight.