no.37 130606 Thank you for letting me help the homeless

The Beaches, Toronto - last week with friends (it's irrelevant to the post).

Last Saturday, I went to volunteer with my church. There is a ministry at another church, which was created to help the people in need - especially the homeless in downtown Toronto. I think my church has been partnered with that church. My church helps out every first Saturday of the even months. There is a facility which is almost like a community centre somewhere in downtown. What we do there is cook for the homeless and feed them. While we do so, we try to share our testimony.

I wanted to volunteer for the month of April but I signed up too late and all the spots were full. So I had to wait for two months to get another chance to help out. I think I signed up pretty quick this time around. When I got the confirmation email, I was happy at first at the fact that I am able to serve this time. However, the closer it got to the date I was regretting and thinking something like "do I really want to do this?" I'm always like this. I get so excited to do something at first, and after I sign up for an event, I get anxious and worry not knowing what to expect. When I go, I enjoy it very much and by the time I finish, I don't want it to end. Yeah.. I find it weird. I'm weird.

The reason I was hesitant was this: I don't like homeless people. Like I mentioned before, I don't have the heart for the homeless. I was pretty sure that this experience wouldn't change my mind - and it didn't. Plus, they scare me. I'm not scared about the way they look or what they say. I'm more scared about what they might do to me. I'm not sure if I shared it on my blog before, but I am a clean freak and I don't like dirty things. That doesn't mean I'm not dirty. I'm dirty too - I don't vacuum my room that often, and right now, I have a big garbage bag full of recycles which has been sitting there for weeks. Oh yes, did I also mention that I'm spiritually dirty? Well, all of us are because we're all sinners. The 'dirtiness' that I'm referring to is the physical dirtiness. I shower every day before going to bed because I like to feel fresh and clean. But homeless people, they probably don't shower for weeks or sometimes even more. I don't want to sound too mean or anything, but some homeless people just stink. Whenever I see a homeless person on the road, I try to avoid them and maintain a large gap when walking close to them. Also, some are mentally ill, and I don't want to risk getting involved with them.

Another reason why I don't like homeless people or pity them is because I believe that it was their choice to live that way. I'm quite sure the majority were not born as homeless. They once had loving families, once had a warm place to live, and once had a job through which they were able to support themselves. I don't know their story and what made them withdrew from this 'normal' life, but it was certainly their choice. They chose to give up the life that they were living, and they decided to live a homeless person's life instead. So why do I have to sympathize with the homeless?

It might have been a bad idea to help the homeless with this kind of mindset. But I wanted to see how I would react when I was placed in a position to serve the people I cannot accept. In addition, we've been talking about accepting others in my life group. Perhaps, unconsciously I wanted to challenge myself. I also wanted to see what the ministry is like.

When we got there, we did some cooking and setting up for dinner such as cleaning tables, preparing coffee and desserts, etc. Around dinner time, people started coming and we were ready to serve dinner. Before serving dinner, the leaders were assigning team members with different duties. I wanted to take the job that has the least possible communication with the homeless people - something like, staying in the kitchen and giving food to people. It was my first time there, so I didn't know what each job was about. I chose to serve coffee, thinking that it's something where I don't have to deal much with the homeless people. I was definitely wrong. I had to go to the dining room and serve coffee as I go around the room with a coffee cart. I had to ask each person if they wanted a coffee or not, and how they like their coffee. This meant talking one-on-one to each homeless person. "Oh great" I thought to myself. I was a little scared about what was about to happen.

When I first walked in to the dining room, the place was occupied with an interesting scent as the room was full of homeless people. It took me a while to get used to the smell. To be honest, I have a weak stomach and I was feeling a little nauseous from it. I thought I was going to be sick. Eventually, the smell seemed to fade away and I felt okay. I teamed up with two other volunteers and we started serving coffee. I was scared at first because I had to go around the room - which meant, I could bump into the homeless people, they might come up to me, they might tap me or grab me, etc. etc. I wanted absolutely no physical interaction.

What am I thankful for after blabbering how much I don't like homeless people? Am I even thankful for anything?  I am thankful that I even took this step to help someone I don't like. It was definitely a challenging experience for me. As I am writing this post, I learned that I should be more accepting of the homeless people. I am a sinner but God still loves me and accepts me. If I have experienced God's amazing love and grace, shouldn't I do the same for my neighbours? For sure, it's easy to love your friends and family, but what about the homeless people? Aren't they also my neighbour? Who am I to love one but hate another? Can I love them as I love my family? Right now the answer is no. I might never be able to love and accept the homeless people. I think this is a constant struggle for me and for a lot of people. I pray that I will see the poor people through God's eyes and slowly be able to accept them through God's grace.

no.36 130605 Thank you for my grandparents

My grandmas, at a restaurant at the airport!

I am the oldest of my generation in my family. I have one younger sister, and all my cousins are younger than me. It makes sense because my dad and my mom are both firstborns, and they got married much earlier than their siblings. But they didn't get married at an early age. Anyways, I am a very lucky girl since I have all of my grandparents still with me. Growing up, I didn't think it was such a blessing to have all four grandparents who love me. I thought it was something obvious - everyone has grandparents, right? Plus, you don't really talk about your grandparents with your friends when you're young (at least I didn't). So I didn't know if my friends' grandma or grandpa had passed away or not.

The first time that left a big impression on me was when I was coming back from Korea in 2007. I stayed there for the summer and it was the day when I had to return to Canada. All my relatives with cars were busy, so they couldn't take me to the airport. Also, I didn't mind taking the airport limo - it's pretty comfy and convenient. That summer, I stayed with my grandparents on my mom's side. They insisted on coming with me to say goodbye at the airport. The three of us took the airport limo together. My grandparents on my dad's side also wanted to see me for the last time, so they took the subway to the airport. It certainly took them more than an hour but they still came, only to see me.

After checking in, the five of us when to eat something. While I was eating udon, something crossed my mind. It made me thank the present. Even if it was a sad that I am leaving my motherland and I didn't know when I would be able to come back, I was enjoying a meal with my beloved grandparents. I was so thankful that they are still healthy, and they are still spending time with me and having a meal with me. Then it also made me sad. Although they are healthy, they are still old aged. I didn't know what will happen to them. Also, I'm not even around them most of the time and I didn't even know when I can visit Korea again. I got really depressed when I thought that this could be the last time that I get to see all four of them together. Because you really don't know what will happen to them or to myself (but most likely to them, considering that they are 75+). I had the toughest time saying goodbye. I remember crying a lot, because the thought of me not seeing them again occupied my mind. I hugged each of my grandparents and said goodbye, wishing them a good health. I felt bad just leaving them there at the airport.

It's been almost 6 years since I worried about not seeing my grandparents again. Luckily, I got a chance to see them again a few years ago when I visited Korea again. Since then, I didn't see my grandparents in person, but I still call them from time to time. It's always nice to talk to them on the phone. I'm thankful for my grandparents today. I want to thank God especially for my dad's dad because I heard from my mom this morning that he finally went home after how months and months of staying in the hospital. He had a stroke last fall and until today, he was in the hospital. Although he can't fully use his legs, he is doing much better than before.

I pray for my grandpa and all of my grandparents for their health. I know one day they will leave me and my family when God calls them back. But until then, I want to spend more time with them and make lots of memories. It's unfortunate that I am not in the same country as them. I want to visit them as often as I can, but I won't lie, it's difficult - time is one thing, and money is the other. I just don't want to have any regrets when it is their time to go. Although I can't visit them when I want, I can still call them when I want. I'm going to try to call my grandparents more often! That's the least I could do for them.

no.35 130604 Thank you for allowing me to try something new (at cooking)

My first attempt at making tempuras - success!

I made tempura for the first time today!

Well, the menu I selected for tonight's dinner was 'gan-poong-gi' which is a Korean Chinese dish - deep fried boneless chicken in a sweet and spicy chili sauce. It's something similar to sweet and sour chicken that you can find at a Chinese restaurant, but gan-poong-gi has more spicy kick to it (we use a lot of garlic to bring out the flavour as well). I told my dad what I was making for dinner, and he was like "why don't you make some tempura as well?" I thought about making some tempura too, but I was way too focused on making the chicken dish. Tempura was a good idea since I will be using lots of oil anyways.

I added veggie and shrimp tempura to the menu and started cooking. It was extra work for sure, but it was worth it because everyone enjoyed it! And that makes me happy. In the near future, I am planning to share some of my recipes on my blog. I started off with mixed veggie tempura, then sweet potato tempura, and lastly shrimp tempura - me and my sister's favourite. By the end of deep frying shrimps I was covered in tempura smell - which is not pleasant at all, and I was too tired for more cooking. I still had my chicken waiting for me to be deep fried. Eventually, I ended up deep frying everything I prepared for tonight.

Originally, I was going to leave it at that and make the sauce tomorrow or some other time, since I can just eat the fried chicken by itself. So I asked my family for their opinions - if they wanted to eat gan-poong-gi today or tomorrow. The answer was yes they wanted it tonight.. so I made the sauce super quick. I didn't even refer to the recipe I found this morning. I just put the ingredients that I remembered seeing in the recipe and from my personal experience. It looked okay and it tasted okay as well. I find it a bit salty but considering it my first time cooking this dish, I give props to myself!

I am thankful that I got to try something new today. I'm happy to make something delicious for my family to enjoy. I think I shared this on my blog before, but one of the things I really like to do is to cook for people I care about and watch them enjoy my food. I guess in order to see them enjoy my food, I gotta be good at cooking! I have a long way to go for that!